Sunday, December 6, 2009

I have no time for anything

So many things have been going on. I am so exhausted and I really want a day to just sleep. First things first, they fired the other woman that does my position at work so my workload doubled. They are hoping to make a decision between two candidates tomorrow. One of them is another girl that worked with me at my last job who was also laid off with me. I'm really hoping she gets the job because I get along with her great and I know she'd be fine in the position. On top of that, this week they are moving us out of our building across the street to our other main building (in hopes of eventually selling off the smalled building)....that's all fine and dandy but I just spent the last week sprucing up my office, decorating with some lights, etc. So nice of them to tell me to not bother and wait until we move. I hate (!!!) the new space. It's in with all the engineers and designers and we aren't going to be really seperated from everyone else. In the building I'm in now, it is me and my two interns in our own seperate room/office. They are only part time so I get a nice big room to myself more than half of the time, which I like. Blah. I know I'll get over it but still. Not a happy camper.

We have still been looking for that elusive house. And we found it, offered on it and lost out to some shadyass deal. We will never get the full true story but the listing agent pulled some fast shit on us. Whatever, FU. Coming from being in the real estate industry at one point, I know I can try to fight it, but in the end, Wisconsin real estate law sucks sometimes. The silver lining is that we have looked at about 60 houses now and while we haven't found one exactly like waht we found, we *think* we may have another serious contender. It is nothing like the other one but we think it will work for what we want. The main thing is to get ourselves into a house. I'm tired of renting. I want something that is ours and that we can fix up to what we want. This one is a little more work, but not terrible work. It's been in the same hands for 40 years so it's got the wonderful lime green shag carpet going on, the awesome panelling, the outdated kitchen but it also has a lot of space for us. In most of the older homes we've been looking at, the basements are what we refer to as Wisconsin shitbox basements. Ones that are nasty and unfinishable. This one isn't like that. In fact it's partially finished already (albeit with said green shag and faux wood) so that is awesome. I really don't want to get to excited about it though. In 2.4 years we've put offers in on 6 houses and the most random razy ass thing always turns them upside down on us. I'm hoping lucky number 7 works for us. We did get married on 777 so I'm hoping those 7s pull it out for us.

School for this semester is almost over. I can't wait. I can't stand one teacher. She is a moron and shouldn't be teaching but that's a long story and it's late, lol. I have to get one quiz in tonight yet and I just honestly dont care how it turns out. I really dont and I know that's bad. Oh well. It's a class that wont count towards anything.

On the baby front, a few things have been going on. I started acupuncture and am loving it. I think it's helping. I know that in the two sessions that I have had so far I have come home and crashed. That is nice. I induced AF and this is CD7 and I am taking my last dose of 150 Clomid. Hopefully this trigger cycle works. I'm not putting much stock in it so as to not be super upset if we get a bfn. This time AF has been a much more normal (although semi-heavy) period. I haven't had it like this in a long time so I'm really hoping I actually O. Next cycle will be in the new year and we have signed up for an FSA now that K's allows IF treatment to be used for expenses. So for sure, I dont care, its happening, we are moving on to IUIs and I will push the injectibles right away rather than start femara. I'm not sure if I blogged previously about it or not, but K had a repeat SA and his numbers were excellent so we are very relieved it's only me that is messed up, lol.

Diet wise...yeah not so much good news to report. I'm still the same. I feel uber bloated though. No more excuses...I'm going to be better.

Ok, well I think I got a lot updated, I have such a busy week ahead I hope I can find time to relax. I know I need to. I think my acu is afraid I'm going to have a meltdown soon with how tightly I'm wound. Never used to be this way but it is what it is. Life is just stressful sometimes. The holidays always add in more stress (well...if you have my family that is but that is a whole 'nother post).

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Sickness

Everyone in my office has been a revolving door of sickness the last few weeks. Before we went down for halloween I started getting the beginnings of a cold, but then it never really went anywhere. Cool with me. Then last night, well technically 1:45 this morning, I woke up and had to run to the bathroom. Img was my stomach upset. It was a hurting sort of churning feeling. 30 minutes later I took a swip of Pepto and went to bed. I woke up to a brown tongue (which I frantically googled) and I was about to walk out the door when my stomach gurgled and back to the bathroom I went. I made it a half day at work. I just came home at lunch to rest and get better. I really dont want this to turn into something more. I hate being sick!

On the IF front...I have made my first acupunture appointment for next week! I am really excited about it. From speaking to my acupunturist, H, she seems like a great fit. SHe has suffered through IF herself and she just had her first child. She also wanted to reassure me that even if I didn't continue with acu, that she is a great source of information of local IF related places. I told her how I have been feeling very frustrated with my dr and how I feel like we are not getting anywhere in terms of treatment. Well H told me about a clinic in the next major town north of me (about 30 min) and how they were a lot less expensive compared to where I have been going! Since we are all OOP, I called immediately and I have a 15 min consult with the nurse next week as well. So yeah...very busy IF week coming up! This cycle is a complete bust. I didn't ovulate, what else is new. I'm just waiting on AF yet again. Today is cd31 and counting. Just come again already. Sheesh.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

How is it Novembe?!?

I was lucky enough to get last Thursday and Friday off of work so we headed down for a long weekend in Chicago. It was so great to just do nothing, yet everything we wanted while at home. Sure I didn't see everyone, but just the fact that I got in the main people without feeling like I was rushing my visits was awesome. Next up is another long weekend for Turkey Day. Yum Yum! This weekend the in-laws are up. Didn't they get enough of us?? gosh, lol! The following weekend is a jammie weekend. I do not plan on doing anything other than sleeping, studying, watching tv all while never getting dressed in real clothes. I can't wait for that!! I feel like I haven't been able to relax at home for about a month now due to classes, work, people up, us down, etc.

I registered for four classes next semester. I must be insane. I am pulling my hair out with two classes...but I have to get it done. I'm determined now. I don't want to be in my field anymore. I find every excuse to do enough at work to get praise, but not as much as I know I could do just simply because I don't feel like it. I know that's terrible, but that's how I feel. I'm only slightly embarrassed by that.

I finally got back on the boards today during the day. God I feel like a stranger on them. Wierd how one month being in and out will change things for you. I picked up a new book to read regarding infertility. I am very interested in starting accupunture and combining both Eastern and Western methods in our journey. The book is called The Infertility Cure by Radine Lewis, Ph.D. So far I have found it interesting. We have now reached two full years of trying to conceive. It sucks. I'm upset, pissed, sad, overly drained...the list goes on and on. This pointless stupid cycle of clomid 100 mg only cycle can kiss my ass. K and I are seriously thinking about me having to drive down to Milwaukee to get to a real IF specialist. It's just sooo wonderful living an area where there is no RE to be seen ::insert sarcasim:: I'm just tired of it all. Get me pregnant already dammit!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

What a week!

Phew! That was some week. I took 4 tests, wrote two papers and completed about 5 other assignments. Gotta love mid-terms time. I forgot all about this time in a semester. It's been so long since I've had to worry about it! But I survived. I got 4 A's which is great. In the class that I forgot to take the quiz/test, the teacher posted some extra credit assignments that can be done before the end of the term. They probably wont add up to enough points to cover the lost points I have, but it's something :o)

I have finished two new ribbon wreaths. One went with my dad and stepmom to bring to my grandma when they go to Texas to visit her in a couple weeks. The other is here. I'll have to take some pics and post. It's a Halloween one and it is probably my cutest one yet, if I do say so myself.

We found a house I fell in love with. It was all that I wanted in a starter/family house. It's a short sale and has had 4 other offers fall through due to the time issues that short sales bring on. I called to go visit it again tonight, afer seeing it for the first time on Sunday at an open house, and there is another accepted offer already! The last contract just fell through last Wednesday. I am so beyond bummed. My hope is that the person who put the offer in was trying to get in before the end of the 8k fed refund. While that moeny would be awesome, we dont really care about it. We're not going to buy a house just to buy a house. But I definately would have bought this house! It had a huge pool, great yard, 4 bed, 2 bath, vaulted ceilings, two car garage with an extra pad for our boat. Yuck yuck yuck. I want that house. I'll still keep my fingers crossed. I told the agent to keep my name and number and if anything happened on that contract, to call me right away.

The job is.....eh. I am getting used to it and it has turned into something tolerable. I keep telling myself that I am just doing it for the paycheck, it gives us the flexibility for more IF treatment, to buy a nicer house, to travel (yeah right, we never get around to it, ha!) and less over all stress. So, I'm dealing. The department is new to the company so it's definately a learning curve. Hopefully it works out, I like feeling productive with my days instead of endless Law and Order episode watching.

I'm doing ok on the diet. Weekends I'm less strict, but I've been doing ok. This weekend all bets are off though. I can't wait to dig into some Chicago foods. Nothing better than pizza, mexican and hot dogs ( No, not all at one time, haha).

There's plenty more to write about but it's getting late, I'm tired, and it's chilly in here :o)

Monday, October 19, 2009

So Stressed

I'm still alive. I'm a big stress ball again, of course. I'm not really that happy with the new job. It's a tiny pay increase and at least I'm working, but still. I just dont like it. It's not what they made it out to be, that's for sure. It makes me all the more want to be full time back in school. Speaking of school...I am so stressed about keeping up. I missed a quiz I was supposed to take for class. Yeah, and the prof is a douche. She is not going to let me make it up. It's my fault in the end, I've just been so insane lately with work, doctors visits, other schoolwork, looking at houses, cleaning, I'm overwhelmed. I really am. I'm trying to keep it together but it's not working all that well. Oh and on top of that, I'm dieting. Shoot me now. It's been ok, but I gorged on tacos tonight. Way to go. I'm on CD 9 of a clomid + trigger cycle. Fingers crossed although I am so pessimistic its pathetic. We are rapidly approaching the 2 yr mark. So depressing. Sorry this will be so short, but I've got studying and more cleaning to do before the weekend (dad and sm are coming up). I'll try to not be such a bad blogger. I have finished some books and have a few recipes to share if I ever get a moment.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

If I Won the Lottery

No, I didn't win. It would be nice though. I just happen to be watching the TLC about lottery winners. It looks so wonderful :o) So what would I do if I won "the big one?" I think my list would look something like this ( in no particular order )
1) Pay off all our debt. Bye bye student loans. Good riddance!!!
2) Buy a new truck (SUV) since we are planning on doing that this year anyway
3) Not start my new job on Monday and make going to the gym my job
4) Go to the best infertility specialists and get KTFU right away
5) Actually take a real honeymoon. Yeah we never took a real one. I want!!
6) Probably buy a house, nothing ridiculous though, just something nice we like
7) Take trips with my grandparents. I want to go to Ireland with one Grandma and the other one would probably just love to go on a casino road trip, lol. She loves her slots :o)
The rest...wait to do anything with it. Help out close (think immediate and a select cousins) if needed but I don't really want to much other than a baby and a comfortable home. I'm easy to please like that, HA! I guess the only step now is to win it. I suppose that means I actually have to play the lotto though...

Other than my daydreaming...Yup, starting the new job on Monday. I am nervous/excited. I can't wait to have that pay check rolling in again. Lord will that feel wonderful. I have a plan of what I want monetarily for the next year or so and I really want to accomplish those goals.

I went in to have my hormone levels tested again. I should have those results by Tuesday. If she tells me that I have to do a round of BCPs to try to regulate, I'm going to be super annoyed. I just want to get the show on the road. It's ridiculous. I have some arbitrary date in mind that I want to be pregnant by - March. Next month marks two years trying to conceive. I want a child before we hit three years. Meeting my friend K's newborn really hit me hard. He is a delightful baby. I love him so much and it makes me want to give him a little buddy so bad so that they can grow up together.

In regards to the SuBC, I finished with 180 pts! Far below the ones that finished the entire challenge with 450 pts, but I ended up being in about the middle of the pact so I'm proud of that. The last month I really didn't do any leisure reading due to school and family being here/traveling back home. This time around my goal is to hit 250 pts and be closer to the top quarter of people in the challenge.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Comforter Craziness

We're scheduled to enter peak foliage (sp???) in the next two weeks. This year I am not, not going up to Door County to look at the leaves and also pick some apples from the orchards in the area. I really want to make some homemade apple crisp. Yum! I never used to be a fall person. I am such a summer person that I think I went into mini-denial in Sept, Oct, and Nov that summer was over. The of course it gets snowy and freezing up north here so I start hating life again for the next few months until the cold is over. But now....now I am becoming a fall lover. I love wearing flip-flops, jeans and a hoodie and night. I like the warm 70s sun (although this summer was sooooo beyond below average that's what we've been having for months already, boo!) and then the crisp evenings. I love having the windows open and getting a little chilled at night so I finally cuddle under one of my tied fleece blankets. K starts to dred the bed changes. You see, I am a blanket whore. I am. I am a sucker for all blankets cuddly and soft. I'm like a child with a security blanket. Except I have a million of them. He tells me no more blankets. I figure out ways to get them in the house. My favorite blanket/comforter is one that was from his family.

Now you might picture a beautiful quilt or a pretty floral comforter. Not this one. This one is a running joke between his family and me. It is ratty as all hell. It's like a cream color now. Might have been white or light pink. His mom doesn't even remember because it's so old. She thinks that they got it when the got married (almost 30 yrs ago). It's not down. It's ripped and battered. But I LOVE it. My project in the next few weeks is to re-cover it. I have been putting it in a duvet the last few years to protect it but the covering of the comforter itself is see-through thin. I've had fun sewing it up over the last 6 yrs with multi-colored thread. I'm going to try just sew fabric around the edges and over the top and then make little square sections by sewing over top to lock the batting in. I'm afraid it wont be as soft anymore :o( I seriously need help. The thought of killing my blanket is sending me into near hysterics. Lord help me.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

So much schoolwork

I really feel like a student again. Holy crap did I have a busy weekend. I spent the majority of my time reading chapters, taking notes, writing reports. I know all my tedious note taking is helping because I have gotten all A's on my tests so far. But damn my hand hurts!!

I haven't really been reading for SuBC as much as I want to. I have finished books three and four in the Jessica Darling series and am in the middle of the final book. Next up is Hedge Fund Wives. Sounds decent. I need some mindless chick lit after all the school work.

A week from today is my first day back working. I'm really not looking forward to it. The extra money yes, but having no time for anything, no way. I know it will be a major time management struggle. The commute will suck. I don't even really like my job, but it's what I have been doing for a while now so I guess I'll survive.

If my body decides to stay on track, AF should be here this weekend. I doubt it. Af never shows when she should. I know that there really isn't too much hope for a BFP from this cycle. We tried...but I think it will be all injectibles soon. I'm really hoping that we just dont do another clomid cycle with trigger. Idk. I just am starting to lose hope. I'm starting to let go of the jealousy I have had over my friends babies. Not because it doesn't hurt but because I just wonder if it will ever happen for us. The last few weeks, actually months, have been really hard for me to keep my chin up. I've had some rough weeks in dealing with my self-esteem. I've felt broken, useless, ugly, everything. I keep telling K that I am a fat infertile unemployed loser. He's of course gotten upset that I even say it. I know I'm half joking when I say it. But it's hard to stay positive all the time. I try. I really do. Some days are just hard.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

OMG O!

::::Edit::: After looking at this a day later...I should have specified for anyone NOT from the boards. O = ovulate....not the other O! Oops, hahaha.

You read that right - I O'd!!! Completely and utterly unexpected of course. I haven't O'd in God knows how long. I didn't know I still could. Of course we were at the in-laws with my BIL sleeping a mere 15 feet from us in the adjoining area of the room. And the bedroom is right off the kitchen. SIL and her bf were also there for the weekend. It made for an interesting time. I dont hold out much hope for a bfp but who knows, right?? I'm not going to get my hopes up that's for sure.

The weekend was wonderful. The surprise 80th birthday party for my grandma went off without a hitch. I gave a little speech and I didn't even make it to the second sentence before I broke down and cried. She means the world to me. I'm so glad we were able to give her a great weekend.

I have a second interview with a company that is in town tomorrow morning...well actually this morning now. I know I have already accepted the other job, but I am very interested in this job as well. It is local so I wont have that long commute. That means I wouldn't have to worry about buying a new SUV right away. And if they want to pay me more, I will definately consider it. Speaking of cars though. We have been looking and we have narrowed down the types we want. Either a BMW X5 or a Mercedes Benz M Class M500. Of course used. We're not millionaires here, come on, lol. But honestly, for the years we were looking at, with low mileage on Duragnos, Trailblazers, Envoys...the X5 and ML500 are around the same price. So yeah...I'll take the luxury ones please and thank you. BUT I really would love to get another year out of my Blazer. I love it, quirks and failures and all :o) So if that in town job works out...I can keep it. I'm sure there's more that I can post, but I really need to get to bed.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Chicago for the long weekend :o)

I am so excited to go home for 4.5 days starting tomorrow. Its my Grandma's 80th bday on Friday and we are going to dinner with lose family that night and then we have a surprise sit down dinner bash for her on Saturday. As far as I know, she has no clue. I'm so excited!!!
I have been bad about reading for the SuBC the last week. I didn't get anything done. I had a great average going of two books per week.....yeah not so much last week. I'm hoping I can get a bunch in while on the road and relaxing this weekend. Next up I think I am going to read The Luxe and Rumors as well as the next two books in the Jessica Darling series.
I responded to a thread on the crafts board about what Christmas projects I wanted to get done. I hadn't really thought of it, but I want to get a pair of stockings made for K and me, a crocheted baby blanket for Kristy's baby, a snowmen cross stitch that I have been "working on" for the last two years. I say "working on" because I haven't picked it up in about a year and don't regularly work on it at all. Somewhere in there I'd probably like to make a few homemade cards for close family members. Whew...that's a lot to get done on top of my classes and working and possibly moving. YIKES!!
And to round out this entry...diet. Yes. I need to stop talking about it and actually DO IT! I'm terrible about this. I know it is only beneficial for my health. I'm not a whale, although I feel like one but I definately could stand to lose some lbs. So yeah...I need to be held accountable. This weekend is out, I know, way to start the excuse train, but honestly, 4.5 days of parties and good, gooey, wonderful Chicago food is what I need to end my fatty days.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Things are looking up

I got a JOB!!! Yup. And I don't want it, lol. Long story, but here it goes. I got my old job back....just at a different location. My ex-director heard about it opening up at that location and passed it on to me. I contacted HR and then interviewed with the new location and they offered me the job! Same salary, but a bitch of a commute now :o( So that sucks. But see the reason I am not jumping for joy is that we might be moving!!! K might have an opportunity to move out of state to continue working on the project he has been working on. It could be an case of where he moves into a more senior, go-to-guy type of role. That would be awesome for him. I'm a little nervous. The area has been badly affected by the economic downturn, but I think that it could be poised for a good rebound.

So yeah...if it happens, it would happen rather quickly. Hense why I am not sure I want to start this job. I don't know how that would affect my unemploment if I start and then have to leave the job. I just don't know. So many things are swimming through my brain at this point.

On top of that, my classes started. I am a little overwhelmed...but I will get through it. I hope, lol. I haven't taken classes in so long and these are online courses through my old school so the work load is fairly heavy. Wish me luck!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

More Books Done

Three more books down. I started the Jessica Darling series from Megan McCafferty, Sloppy Firsts and Second Helpings. I love this series. It's YA but very enjoyable. I have the the 3rd, 4th and 5th books on my coffee table just waiting to be read. I can't wait!!! Eeek! I also finished Savannah Breeze from Mary Kay Andrews. I have read one of her books before, Hissy Fit, and wasn't impressed by it but one of the SuBC categories was to read another book by an author you've already read but didn't enjoy. I think she writes more mediocre chick lit, which for some is ok. I just like my chick lit to be a little more entertaining. But SB was def better than Hissy.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

I opened up a can of worms

I played softball in college. I loved my teammates. Two other girls and I became close, close friends. We liked everyone else but we had our own thing going on. Then S, decided she was transferring to another college. The other girl, K, ended up finishing up with my K at a different college. So she and I stayed waaaay close. She was a bridesmaid in our wedding too. Anyway, I've always wondered what happened to S. I sent an invitation to her for our wedding and talked with her on the phone right before but she said she couldn't make it. That was the last time we talked. Well, that was over two years ago now.

So I finally found her on facebook. At first glance she looked the same, only married. Awesome. Then after some digging on her profile (seriously, it was basically hidden) I see she had a baby girl in April. I'm happy for her. I am. But still feeling defeated since K is pregnant. Well not technically anymore-she gave birth 9 hours ago! But so yeah, S saw K and I were still friends, so they became friends. And then all hell broke loose. Other teammates saw that we were all becoming friends (stupid fb, all up in everyone's biz). So now in a matter of like 2 weeks, I have had three other teammates become my friends. And guess what?! They have all given birth within the last 7 months, one with another due with #2 in January. WTF.

And they're all "omg we have to have play dates" and "i can't believe we all have kids" blahfuckingblah. Stupid me. I shouldn't have friended S and therefore everyone else wouldn't have befriended everyone else again either. Why the fuck did I want to be the social organizer again?? I'm not even that pleasant anymore, lol.

I tried to explain how I felt to my SIL. She tries...but since she isn't in my position, she sometimes doesn't word things nicely enough for my over-hormonal IF ears. I tried to explain how I felt completely left behind. I do. I'm so bitter and so unfuckingbelievably jealous. I managed to NOT take it out on (my) K. So that was positive. I managed to only sniffle and let a few tears come down. So that was good. How terrible of a person am I that I read their profiles and see that 3 out of the 5 of them aren't married and I get even more pissed. To each their own and in my normal everyday sane frame of mind I have absolutely nothing wrong with single parenthood. I guess I feel that we are more ready, we want it more, we have been trying longer than any of them (and no, i have no idea if three of them have had probs, K and S didn't, I know for sure)?? I feel like shit for thinking this way. I feel like a bitter bitch. Fuck IF. Damn Facebook.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Ribbon Wreath Center


Well my birthday is this week! As part of my gift, K and I went to Michael's and used a 40% off coupon for a small storage solution item. I love it. They have a bigger one that I will eventually get, but I can't hang that one right now. This works out great because I can just change whatever ribbon is on the rod to fit what wreath I am working on at the time. Up next is a Halloween one. I love the ribbon I have for that one. I'm excited. I do have a bunch more ribbon that does not fit on this, but they are stored nicely in plastic shoe containers.


In other news, well not really news, but updates I guess I should say. I got a call from my old boss about my job being open at one of our sister papers! HR was contacted and they are happy that I am interested in the position. It hasn't even been posted internally, so that's a good sign. I reallllly hope I get a call from them soon.

I also have a wild idea in my head...but I will have to ellaborate on that more later. it's so far fetched, I will sound like a crazy person, lol. It involves us moving....back to Florida. Well, it would be back for me, K has never lived there. We'll see how this plays out. I don't hold out much hope for it to work out, but it is fun to dream.

Friday, August 14, 2009

National Homeless Animals Day: Meet My Kids

Tomorrow is National Homeless Animals Day. There are many ways you can honor this day: you can make a donation to a local animal shelter, get your pet spayed or neutered or encourage people to adopt their next pet from a local shelter.

So in honor of that...I realized something: I haven't really posted anything too pet related on here! That surprised me. I am a huuuuge animal lover. One day I hope to have enough land and a big enough house to fill it with dogs, cats, a pig (yes, I want a pig and his name will be Hamlet, Hammy for short...i have no idea why I want one so bad, but I do) a horse...maybe a bunny too. In short, I am nuts :o) So this post is about my furry babies. Meet my kids:
Wrigley, my purebred cocker spaniel.

He's my baby. I was not a huge dog lover before him. I liked dogs, dont get me wrong, but when I saw him....it was pure love at first sight. We almost named him Remington, but his butt wiggled so much we went to Wiggly...but that sounded too baby-ish so it went to Wrigley. And since I married into a Cubbie family, it fits. (Part of the reason I have the main pic on here of Wrigley Field). I love this dog more than words can say. He is so funny. He loves to swim! He definately thinks he's human and spends half his life up on his back paws trying to see what everyone is doing/eating. He also goes by Wiggles, Riggs, Wiggle Monster, Wigglebutt, Wriggely-biggely, Sasquash. I love my pup!


Remington (Remy)

Remy came to us via our local Humane Society. He was actually already named Remington so we felt he was just calling for us to adopt him. He is the sweetest, most laid back, easy going cat I have ever had. Nothing seems to phase him. He will beg for whatever you are eating, but as soon as you give it to him, he doesn't want it. He loves his mommy and me time, as I call it. He has to sneak it in there with his bratty little sister ;o) Everyone who meets him wants him. No joke. they can't believe how cool he is. He's my guy. I love my Rem. His nicknames include: Remy, Remmers, Remy Roo.

Shelby:

Shelby is our mischief maker. She is into everything. She even plays fetch. She loves her buddy, Laser Pointer, hahaha. She also came from our local Humane Society. She is less than a year old and has already used two of her nine lives. The first came when she was "experimenting" with a candle and singed her whiskers off. Now she has some crinkled and short ones that are trying to grow out. The second was a bit more frightening. On our anniversary last month, she impaled herself on one of our kitchen cabinet handles. Her latest trick had been jumping on the countertop, then the fridge to get above the top cabinets. Well, I came home from lunch, saw her, yelled for her to get down..and she did - only getting hung up on the side of her belly/hip area. She was just hanging there. I have never been so scared. I felt TERRIBLE. Like it was all my fault for yelling at her to get down. She is my little princess and I love her so much. Thank God she has recovered very nicely. She is still partially shaven and her scar isn't covered yet by the growing fur but she's getting there. I love my Shelby Boo. She answers to: Shelly, Shelly Belly, Shelby Boo, Princess P (don't know where the "P" came from in that)
Oh, almost forgot...another awesome thing about Remy and Shelby is that Shelby was born on my mom's birthday and Remy was born on my stepdad's birthday( Remy is about 6 months older). Pretty cool in my mind.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Ribbon Wreaths







I figured that since today is a major slacking day, I might as well post some pictures of some ribbon wreaths that I have made. I love making them. Super easy to make. And they shape up fast, which is good since I have a short attention span most days, lol.

Dropped Dead Stitch

Ok, lets see if today's blogging lets me add paragraphs. Nope. this sucks. Anyone know how to fix it? So as I was saying yesterday, Sleeping Freshman Never Lie is a great book. I'd highly recommend it. It *almost* made me miss high school. Almost. Then I remembered how crazy it was, lol.


Lets see if this works, I'm entering the break code. Sweet! It appears to have worked. Annoying but whatever. I really don't understand why it does that every now and again. Ok, back to books for a sec.

I had added a pic of the next book, Dropped Dead Stitch by Maggie Sefton and I reviewed it. Then I hit preview and it disappeared. So I'm skipping the pic, hope you don't mind. This was the latest edition to the knitting mystery series by this author. I enjoy reading them. They are light, fun to read books. Nothing challenging about them, but I think that's ok. This book strays from the normal circumstances. I wouldn't say it was my favorite of all the books, but I still enjoyed it. As part of the summer book challenge I'm doing, this fit into my "do an activity that the characters do in the book." In all the other books the main character Kelly, has been learning to knit/continued to knit. In this book she learns how to crochet. I am a beginning/intermediate crocheter myself so I picked up my needle and yarn and started in on another baby blanket.

I am very hot and cold with all my various hobbies. Once I start one, it's like I'm obsessed with that. Then I move on again, lol. Lately it's been reading but I know that I have a ton of gifts I want to get in for Christmas, birthdays, new baby, etc in the next few months. I should *probably* get on that.....

Monday, August 10, 2009

More books done!

I'm really enjoying this book challenge. I've read some books that I wouldn't normally have read and I can honestly say that I have not disliked any of them (well maybe the 9/11 one, but I did enjoy parts of it.) 

I've finished up
Sleeping Freshman Never Lie by David Lubar
Dropped Dead Stitch by Maggie Sefton
Mistaken Identity by the Van Ryn & Cerak families
and I've started in on Fire Sale by Sara Paretsky.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Pimples, Periods and Planning

First things first: I am breaking out like a teenager right now. Luckily not nasty huge pimples on my face but my forehead is covered in bumps. My shoulders and back have the bigger ones. Blech! Yuck! I have been indulging on some desserts lately so I have to moniter how much sugar I've been having.

So I posted on the tttc board about our tenative plans. 1) I am going back to school 2) i want to lose some lbs and we will continue with monitered clomid cycles for now. I'm still waiting on my first period since the d&c. I finished up the last of my progestin on Sunday night so they say if I haven't gotten AF after 7 days from the last pill, to call and we'll either do a higer dosage or try something else. Blah blah blah. 3) we might be able to move home sooner than I thought!!!

The week before last Christmas my great uncle (grandpa's brother on my mom's side) passed away. Since then his house has been vacant. It's in a decent area, in the very near west suburbs of Chicago. My mom told me yesterday that her and my stepdad are thinking of buying it as an investment. Which she then told me that we could rent from them, with all our rent going towards the eventual down payment if we wanted to buy it from them. This sort of works out perfect for us. We would get to rehab it, live in a centralized location and be HOME! K is planning on putting his resume in at his dad's company. He needs this experience because his dad works for an aerospace company (his dad makes some of the apache helicopters and things like that). Anyway, our end goal is to get down to Dallas or Orlando with either Bell or Lockhead Martin...and they love K's resume....except he has no aerospace experience. Defense yes, but not aero. So if he could work with his dad for a year or two, then we should be set.

I really don't want to get ahead of myself. I really don't. But I am sooooooooo holding out hope for this. I want to be home. The only thing that makes me nervous is the fact that K's job right now is doing good. They just landed a billion dollar gov't contract and K has been busy with that. I don't want to rock the boat. But at the same time, the only thing keeping us up here is K's job. Granted---that is a Huge deal in this economy. I totally get that. But if nothing else in our lives is "working right" then what price are we really paying to be here?

Monday, August 3, 2009

Job hunting sucks

I am so frustrated with my job hunting right now. It's been 3 full weeks since I was laid off and I have had no interest at anything I have applied for, except a staffing firm that i have used before. They piss me off too. In the past, I've met with them and nothing has come out of it. I always end up finding my own job without any of their help. I'm guessing this will be more of the same.

On top of that, I feel like I have to be playing hostess to K's little brother who has been up here on a "vacation." He's only 16 and came up here last summer for two weeks and he wanted to come up again this summer. Of course we said yes before I lost my job. Then I felt bad about saying that he should stay home. It costs us money and I feel like I am constantly having to make sure that he's not bored or that I am ignoring him. Honestly I know that he could care less, he's really easy going and to him, watching 8 hours of ESPN is fine with him but I still feel bad since I am at home, ya know? Oh well. Thursday night we go home and he goes home too. It's been fun having him, but at the same time, I'll feel slightly relieved once he is home (but then I'll miss his company of course!!! ;o) )

We tried to go look for cars this weekend but the lots are all empty from cash for clunkers. I love my old blazer...but I know it is needing a ton of work. Before I lost my job we had already been looking at new cars once we found out about C4Cs we got serious. Now of course, everything is up in the air and we couldn't jump right on it due to no job. I wish we would have tried anyway. I wonder how much money we have to drop into my truck...i'm guessing at least $500. Which is less than two months of car payments, so in the end, we're probably better...we just wanted to take advantage of a trade in that is more than what it is worth to begin with.

I am looking forward to dinner tonight :o) I am making my sloppy joes. We made them last week and only made a pound...should have been more for sure! So tonight is 2lbs. I like mine spicey so I throw a bunch of seasonings into it: tons of crushed red peppers, cajon seasoning, creole seasoning, touch of garlic powder, laury's seasoning salt, onions, and sometimes celery if I'm in the mood (none in the fridge for tonight though). I can't wait-especially for leftovers tomorrow! Mmm mmm mmm

Friday, July 31, 2009

I miss my mommy

My mom came up here on Wednesday night and left this morning. She came up to attend Waterfest since it was 60's night. While it was not my choice for a concert, I still enjoyed myself. And I really miss her already, and it sort of surprises me. You see, my mom and I have an interesting relationship. Growing up and through my engagement, it was definately hot and cold. Like ice cold and firery fights, lol. Once I got married and moved away, our relationship changed. Maybe I grew up, maybe I just learned to let certain things go, but it's different. i'm sure the fact that I only see her for a few hours at a time every month or two has something to do with it. But we email very frequently and talk on the phone as well...so i'm not sure it has anything to do with the amount of time we converse.

Regardless, I miss her already. And it sucks. I wish I were home in Chicago. I wish I didn't have to say goodbye to family members so often. But I really don't see things changing soon. Not in this economy. K has a job, and I'm not about to rock the boat on that one. We'd be up shits creek without it.

Now I just have to figure out what I am going to do. I am going to take at least 2 classes this semester....where I haven't decided yet but I may just go home and take a semester full time back there and get a job serving...I dont know. I don't want to leave K. I hate this. I hate having to scramble to figure out how to survive. I only have to clear $800 a month. I'm hoping I can do that up here. That would be a lifesaver but I don't know if it's possible.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Summer Sisters

I finished Summer Sisters by Judy Blume just in time to take part of the discussions on the Nest Book club today. I am generally a fan of chick lit. I don't hold these types of books to super high standards, but I like them for the escape they give. This book was overall ok. It is about the unlikely pair of friends from New Mexico, Vix (Victoria) and Caitlin who every summer go to the Vineland back east to stay with Caitlin's dad and brother (and eventually stepfamily). Caitlin comes from money, Vix does not. both have their own set of homelife troubles. There are some wierd storylines in the book, including "the power" that the two girls discover with one another. I thought it was very wierd that two 12-13 yr olds were discovering themselves sexually with each other. Vix begins to flourish with the guidance Caitlin's step mom Abby gives her through the years. From high school, to boyfriends, to sex, to Harvard and beyond. Caitlin is a complete flake and spends the last half of the book globe trotting the world until she comes back and marries (and eventually abandons ) Vix's first love. Overall it was an ok book.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Read another!


Another one bites the dust :o) This time I enjoyed the book. Dewey: The Small Town Library Cat Who Touched the World by Vicki Myron is the true story of a cat who lived in a small Iowa town called Spencer. He was found when he was a kitten in the drop box and was adopted by tthe library. Dewey had a way about him. Almost everyone he met, he touched them in some way. He was featured in numerous tv shows, documentaries, articles, etc. It's just a story about his life written by his "mom" at the library, sometimes about her life as well. It was an easy read, enjoyable and I would recommend it. I'm going to have to tell my grandma about it. She loves to read and I think that she would enjoy this book.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Friends that Move

Well today was kind of sucky. When we moved here, K started work and there was another guy the same age as us who started at the same time. He had moved from Ohio and we had come up form Chicago, so we were all new here. He had a girlfriend back home who was moving up that yr after the holidays (we all moved the last week of August 07). Well, in that time they got engaged, she moved here, they got married...we became close. The worked together and S and I became close in our unemployment woes, we hung out when we could, in essense, they were our only close friends up here. Well....two weeks ago they dropped the bomb that they were moving back home to Ohio in two and a half weeks :o( The last few months we haven't really seen each other as much, due to both them and us being out of town going home, having people up, etc. So tonight they came over with some of our other buddies and it just hit me that I really will miss them. I tried to kind of deny it would...but it really will. She's really the only person I have up here that I would hang out with. I had work friends, but they were just that, work friends. Now...I feel even more alone here. I wish that we had hung out more. I wish they weren't leaving. I wish I had more friends here. I'm feeling a bit woe is me. I hope that they are making the right decision in going back. K and I don't think this is really the right time for them to be quiting jobs they both like and make decent money at to go back to school and not be working, moving in with her parents. It is not my call in the end, I know this. But I wish the best for them and I really hope that by going back to school, they will not be taking one step forward, three steps back. Anyway, that's what I am complaining about today.

On the IF front, since I have had no AF since the D&C on June 3nd, I finally called the doctors office. I have started the progesterone to hopefully bring that around. Blech. Everything is so up in the air again with everything. We are ok to do another round of Clomid, I am assuming we will bump it up to 150 mg, since I did not ovulate at 50 or 100mg. Another expense I dont know how we will afford. I do not want to do an unmonitered cycle. I want to know that it is working and that we can finally use the friggin trigger shot. I'm so tired of it all.

On top of that, I met with an academic advisor, to become a teacher, if I go back...it will take me about 3 yrs!!!! WTF?!? I had more school under my belt than that. I don't know what to do. It's like nothing counts at this university. I have no idea what to do here either.

And yeah....still unemployed. No interviews arranged other than a serving job. Woo hoo. How did I go from having two professional jobs in a row after college to this? Oh wait, the stupid economy. I want my job back. I want my disposable income back. I want my fertility back. I want my friends back. That's not too much to ask for right??

Thursday, July 23, 2009

I hate to say it

Ok, I know that I have been on the book binge...with no signs of stopping anytime soon. As per the.nest.book.club summer book challenge, one of the categories was IHO of the 4th of July, read a book about the revolutionary war or a significant event or time in this country's history. I ended up reading a book called Wake Up Call: The Politial Education of a 9/11.Widow by Kristen Breitweiser. I am having a hard time with the review of this book. To preface everything, I cannot, nor do I ever want to know how she feels. She lost her husband in the World.Trade.Center that day. I can tell she loved her husband. She loves her daughter. I know this. But I am having a hard time with the lack of sympathy for her I feel. I do feel sorry for what happened and what happened to her and her family. I really, really truely do. I cant comprehend the sorrow, the pain, the hurt she has and is continuing to suffer through.

Maybe it is in her mannerisms of writing. I dont know. I don't agree with all her politics, but I do not oppose them either. Her mission to make our national security safer is commendable. I think that she truely believes in everything that she does. However....I take issue with things she says or has done. I almost think I resent her a tad because, much to her decry that this isn't true, a sense of elitist in her. I get that sense of upper class, my way or the highway, smugness from her. I will be the first to admit I can be completely off base. It just seems to me that when there is something that she has been against or doesn't understand, it is no good. There is fault everywhere, in everything. That is what I see. Granted, she is a September eleventh widow. I'm sure any person who has gone through that might be the exact same way. I think that's why I find it hard to take her for what she wants to be taken. How do I know how much is true or not. I know she knows more than me in terms with our government's policies and faults that led up to that day and beyond.

In the beginning, when she talks about how her husband pursued her for yrs before she ever really took the time to care to notice him, that's where I first saw what bothers me about her. She couldn't be bothered with something outside of her world. She barely let her soulmate get near her. Luckily for her, it worked out for her. She makes reference to a specific lawsuit (she has always been a lawyer) about how a man can get awarded so much money for spilling coffee in their laps but she cant sue over her husbands murder. Her being a lawyer makes me really hate that comparison. I studied the case she is talking about. What she didn't mention is that the restaurant was really at fault for having the coffee seriously over the highest temp you can sell drinks at. That spill caused severe burns on a woman, in her most private areas. And the trial judge did lessen the amount awarded to this person. As a lawyer, she should know that. She wants us to believe her, to take her word for everything, but yet this small (insignificant to her plight in the book, I realize) detail makes me wonder what she chooses to disclose or leave out to better her platform.

She might be completely accurate in everything she found out. She really may be misunderstood by everyone, myself included, but I can't help but say I didn't enjoy the book. Everyone grieves in their own ways. I have no business telling someone how they should or shouldn't grieve and mourn their loved one. I found her actions in the years following his death almost disheartening, cold. At one point she has to go back to her New Jersey home after moving to New York to clean out the house they shared as a family. She didn't donate anything. She justified everything by saying that she didn't want anyone else to be using her husband's things. I get that to a degree. But she spent so much time building up what a great person he was. Which leads me to believe that he would have wanted her to show generosity to others by donating everything. By everything, I mean everything. She said she smashed tvs, furniture, china, clothing, absolutely everything. On top of the fact that she had basically made a point to show how much money they made, I found it to be disturbing. Many people could have been helped and shown the kindness by her that was given to her in her time of need. I think that is what bothers me.

In addition, she ended up campaigning for the Kerry run for president. She left her daughter behind...with who she doesn't say. But since she also spent sooooo much time stating that her daughter was her life, I just found it a bit harsh that she spent an extreme amount of time away from her daughter. Again, I know she was fighting for something that she believes in. I know she was fighting for change and for justice. But why not with her daughter? I think that is why some critics of her have said she seems disconnected. Because I think that does come across.

Now, all that said, am I missing the point of the book? Maybe? Are these things just as important? Maybe. I think that in order for me to fully support her cause and to believe that what she is doing is in the best interest of our country, I need to believe in her. I can't say that I do. I think she has very valid points. I think she has suffered enough. I wish her nothing but the best in the future with her family and being able to move on. I just can't say that I enjoyed reading about her.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Reading has become my life

I think that the only good thing about being unemployed is that I have had time to rad more. It's not that I didn't before, I just never made the time for it. Plus it looks bad to be reading at your desk ;o) I have always loved to read. When I am tired of looking at the computer screen after looking for a job, I pick up a book and read a few chapters. Ever since I was very young I have had my nose in a book. I am a fast reader. Like very fast. Annoyingly fast. I can easily read a few hundred page book in a day, but I think that part of my problem is that I don't put books down. I wish I could. I think it borders on a sickness. Once I am hooked, I'll read until it's finished. lol. Oh well. I guess there are much worse ways of spending my time.

So the book I finished today is titled "Between Sisters" by Kristin Hannah. The book is about the strained relationship between two sisters, Claire and Meghann. They are opposites, Claire living in the country, running a "resort" and Meg being a hugely successful Seattle divorce lawyer. After a near death experience, Meg is ordered to take some time off and relax. She ends up rushing to her sister's when she finds out that Claire is marrying some guy after only two weeks. As time goes by the sisters learn how to be sisters again. They both learn more about love and family than they every have. After the honeymoon, Claire is diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. Meg takes charge and through her sister's fight she puts the past in the past and is able to finally accept family and love in.

Overall I liked the book. It was an easy read. At times I got a little frustrated with Meg because she just seemed to never let anything good happen to her. She always pushes everyone away.

I haven't decided what book will be next, either Chasing Harry Winston or a true story called Dewey the Library Cat. Haven't decided yet.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Bored

Yes, I am already bored being unemployed. There is a ton that I want to accomplish. I want to get the place cleaned up. OMG, it really needs a deep clean. I want to get a few books read, do some craft projects. I really need to get school under way. I think that is where I am heading. Back to school. Wow, I feel like I'm 18 again. Life is too short to be in a field you are not happy in. Advertising is not for me. Business is not for me. Teaching is, always has been, I just turned away due to some advice I never should have taken. But you live and learn. I'm still young. I still have time. So that's what I am going to do. Almost seems that my first days off looking for full time work was pointless. I have to at least get a part time job, there's no question about that. I just really have to see what our finances are going to be like by doing this. I am a bit nervous. We've always been able to buy things we want or go out to eat, go out for fun whenever we want. Now we will not be able to do that. In the long run, it's for the better. Right now though, it will suck. At least my student loans will be back in deferment. That I am looking forward too.

And to add insult on top of injury, I got my medical bills finally from the D&C. I think my previous insurance is such a joke. It did cover some, but we are still responsible for about another $1500. Yuck. We literally just paid off all my medical IF bills last month. Go figure. On top of that we have Shelby (our female kitten's) medical bills from her "adventures" last week. My head is spinning. It will all work out, I know that. We have family that I know we can turn to if the going gets really tough, I am very grateful for that. I'm just so fiercly independent, I would feel like a complete failure if I had to accept help. I just pray we get through this. I know K feels bad about some of the bills he brought to us. One day, they'll all be gone :o) I can't wait until that day!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

New Start

So I went back and I deleted all of my older posts. Nothing I wrote in there is what I really want to say, and even if it was, it probably wasn't how I wanted to say it. So....let's start over.

This will serve as a multi-purpose blog. IF, venting, Crafts, Books...everything. I just need some sort of outlet sometimes. And a record of things I've done.

On one of the boards I frequent, there is a Summer Book Challenge. There is a list of catagories that you can choose your own book to fill. So far I have three books done. Storm Warning: The Story of a Killer Tornado by Nancy Mathis, Just Breathe by Susan Wiggs and The Art of Racing in the rain by Garth Stein. I have to say that I enjoyed all of them.

I am a storm geek. I love sitting and watching a good storm. I have the movie Twister memorized by heart. So this book was all about the history of the weather bureaus and the big outbreaks over the last century, mainly leading up to the huge May 1999 outbreak in Oklahoma. I really enjoyed this book. I will probably see if there is another book out there that is similar.

Just Breathe was surprisingly good. Sort of falls into the chick lit, woman finding herself type of category but with a twist. It starts off with the main character Sarah married living in Chicago, undergoing IF treatments. After her IUI, she ends up trying to surprise her husband...but classically finds him with another woman. She decides that it's over, even though she nursed him back to health during his cancer bout, and picks up and flees to her hometown. There she finds that everything is the same, yet she now sees everything completely different. On her way to finding herself again, she finds out the IUI worked. With twins. At the same time she finds herself drawn to her high school crush again, and him with her. He has a teenage stepdaughter that he has raised since her mother split on them. It was mostly predictable, but I still thought it was enjoyable summer reading.

The Art of Racing in the Rain was a book I first heard about on the boards. It was fantastic. I cried like a baby at the conclusion. It is from the perspective of the family dog. Enzo takes you from when he was a puppy until he passes..and just maybe further. He sees the family through marriage, childbirth, death and through Denny's (his owner) quest to be a professional race car driver. I love, love, love this book and will have to add it to my permanent collection.

As for everything else, I am 45 days out from our D&C. No sign of AF. I also just lost my job last week. Yeah, perfect timing. I am not sure what I am going to be doing next. K's job gave him some good and hopefully interesting news, so we are thinking that we will be putting in another year here in Wisconsin. I am ok with that I think. I am planning on going back to school next month, changing professions in the end. I think that it might be tight for us to make this happen, but we are still planning on looking for a house, getting that 8 k tax break from the government. Hopefully we will find a way to still continue with the IF treatments. I think that we will be concentrating more along the lines out IUI or less. Depends on the $$ situation. Damn this economy.