Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Kind of fucked up huh? And today while at work, I managed to call a heating company and got a very ballpark figure to replace the system. Want to know how much we'd have to shell out if we had to replace the entire thing? 6-9k. Hahaha. Yeah...we don't plan on shelling that out. And since we can't get it inspected by HVAC, we don't know the true condition it's in so for now we have to assume the worst case scenario and I am just not willing to take the house as-is and take that risk that we have to shell out all that money. We can buy a home warrenty (which we would do regardless) that would cover the system if it goes out, but sooner or later we would have to replace the system. It's old, broken and out of it's life span. If we don't fix it, the next buyers will want it done. So sooner or later, we would have to get it done.
I also called WI dept of unemployment and I would possibly be ok to collect. They have to do a review but the woman said that since I would be quitting to hold the family together, they would approve it. It would be a very slim chance it would be denied according to her. Which in Rachael world means that it would be denied ;o)
My gut feeling...the bank is going to tell us to take a hike. If we could have gotten it checked out we would have a better idea of which way to proceed. I am so pissed at the listing agent for this. And I am not sure what recourse against her we have. I need to brush up with my real estate ethical practises so I can lodge a complaint. Not that it will get me the house but it's something.
I lean towards wanting the bank to accept the Notice and that way we get a brand new system. That would be sweet. Chances of that happening are not in our favor though. How does this happen??? I'm telling you, this was house number 7 that something has gone wrong with. Everything else fell through due to something messed up and unforseen. Is it you God? My mom laughs and still swears that everytime this happens it's Him saying I'm not meant to be in WI. I am beginning to believe it myself.
The other side....
Those for it: my mom, grandma, dad, stepdad
Those for here: my ILs
I don't think there is any help in the job search for me from K's company. From how they are with the wives that come up here from elsewhere (and from when he was first hired and we had relocated from Chicago to WI) there is no assistance. My job prospects are unclear. I mean, how accurate are the stories you hear coming out of Detroit? Unemployment is the highest in the country right now in that area. Michigan is the highest in the country and an article in the Detroit Press puts unemployment anywhere from 30-50%. I'm not sure that bodes well for me. All I know is more of a advertising/sales aspect of the business world (other than my forays into real estate.) I just don't know.
Now that I know that getting the house might not even be an option, I am sad. I moved in long ago in my head. We bought furniture (which can still be cancelled), a dining room fixture, picked everything out for the most part. Listen to me...it almost sounds as though what I really want is the house. FML
Monday, March 29, 2010
K got word today from his HR department that Detroit is on the table for him. It's voluntary. According to them, it would be "a very good opportunity within the company and he would make a name for himself in doing this." There would be paid relocation and temporary housing provided for 2 months. There would also be a raise. Of course, the most important part, the actual $ amount, has not been figured out by them yet. So frustrating. How can we make a decision not knowing this vital piece of information???! He asked, they said they would be working on it. There is no fire under their asses like there is under ours. They are aware that we are under contract right now and they have said that while they can't say to not buy the house, it would complicate things, but wouldn't be a deal breaker. He also wouldn't go for at least another month, but most likely before two months pass.
I really don't know what to do. On one hand, like my Grandma said tonight, there will always be another house. There might not ever be another job opportunity. I totally agree...however that would mean that I am unemployed. I have nothing lined up. I don't even know if I can collect unemployment for this. I know that if it were a forced relocation, I can collect under the state of Wisconsin. However, since this is technically a voluntary relo, I don't know if the same rules apply. So while it could be a great opportunity for K...if the salary increase isnt substantial...do we really come out ahead? We would also miss out on this 8k tax credit from the gov't for buying a house. There is no way we would be in Detroit in time to take advantage of it. Also...it's Detroit. I actually think I could like it a lot. We would be in the suburbs and from what research I have done, it would be a nicer area we'd be in. It's an actual city atmosphere. Something I miss incredibly much. But, and it's a big but...the economy in Detroit sucks. It's common knowledge that it was arguably the hardest hit area during this recession. Houses are selling for less than what we owe on our car. Will we make it out there? What if we buy a house and we can't sell it if we have to? What if I can't find a job? What if we hate it there? (well, I can't hate it more than I hated WI at first, lol.)
I love our house to be. I can be happy there. We are comfortable in our budget to buy this place. We are finally making head way it seems. Maybe not on the baby front but what can I do. Oh and by the way...I didn't make it till Thursday to poas. I tested this morning, it was negative. Yes, it is slightly early but I feel as though my period might be coming soon so I am not holding out much hope.
Back to my house dilemma. We could buy the place and do our fix ups and then turn right around and try to sell it. The market up here is decent. Our realtor (who I trust, I used to work with her in real estate 2 yrs ago) assures me that with our fixups, we can easily sell it for 40k + more than what we are buying it for. Do we take that chance as well? I almost say we buy the house no matter what. If Detroit falls through, we still have this house, which we want. If we go to Detroit, maybe we can go with some extra money in our pocket. I honestly don't know. It's all so confusing. And for the record...we have my mom and my grandma that says to take a chance on Detroit and K's parents say to stay put. Why do I have to trust all of their opinions?? LOL. I trust my Grandma, but K's parents have the same fears and objections I have.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
We are getting closer to POAS time. I'm going to wait until Thursday morning. I have acupuncture later that day so I figure that would be a good day to test. No real pregnancy feelings. My mind may have run a little wild last week, lol. I can just hope and pray that it works out. I'm ok with whatever happens....for the most part. Of course I want to be pregnant but I will survive being on break. I'm staying positive and thinking about all the fun I can have not cycling for a while.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
So that was good. It feels even more real now. I know we are going to ask them to replace the heating system or give us a credit for it. The other wacky news is that K has HR asking him about the whole Detroit move again. They really want him out there and supposedly they are going to talk to him sometime today about it. As of 4pm, he hasn't been called in yet. They really have to give us a can't pass up offer. I really like our soon to be ours house but I also think that going to UM would be a fantastic opportunity for me for post grad and my phd/possible MD. We'll see. Either way, I'm happy and I'm not going to get stressed about it all.
So while we were there for the inspection, we found that the frontroom does not have hardwood under the carpet like the bedrooms do. So we have to make the decision of adding hardwood or carpet. I think we will do carpet because we have to recarpet the staircase to the basement and if that was the only thing we were going to carpet, it might be kind of dumb to have them come out for only that. I am bummed about the hardwoods not being there underneath. Oh...and apparently our measurements we off when we went to buy the furniture....I dont think the couch and loveseat are going to fit in the way we want them to. And that is a problem because the tv has to go in one specific corner and the since it's a sunken room, there are two sets of stairs on diagonal corners of the room. So one couch would be facing the tv fine, the other would be almost on the side of it, so not good for viewing. I dont know what to do about it. The two easy fixes I can think of would be to cancel the loveseat and get the reclining chair instead. The other would be to cancel that whole order and get the sectional we saw there that we were going back and forth between (not the one I have pictured). That would fit the room in the area it needs to be in and still allow plenty of seating. I was so in love with those couches though!!! Sniff sniff. If only I could afford both sets and put the leather downstairs.
Last night at around 11 pm I got really sick. I was so nauseous and ended up hugging the toliet on and off all night. A part of me was excited, thinking that maybe it was super early morning sickness. I highly doubt it though. I feel fine today for the most part. Besides, this would be like a week after ovulation. Highly unlikely. I know that in my head. My heart wants to believe something different.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Appliance shopping sucks. I want black appliances and I want a side by side fridge. I hate the freezer drawer on bottom. Omg I cant stand those. I know some people love love love them, but not me. The only way I'll get one is if we find a smoking deal. I'm not a huge fan of stainless. Idk, it's ok to me but I feel it's too overrated and trendy, sort of like the Aiden, Braiden, Jaiden, Caiden, etc phase. Not a fan. :o) lol.
I am beginning to feel like I could possibly be pregnant. For one, because this was such a crazy cycle and I gave up on it, coupled with the fact that being very early in pregnancy is when we move and have to renovate a house, of COURSE I would be pregnant, right? And the other thing that has me going is the amount of exhaustion I feel lately. It could be completely due to stress or to the simple fact of not getting enough sleep but the first two hours I was at work today, not going to lie, I nodded on and off. Luckily I was good at hiding it. Then I came home, sat on the bed to pet the cats and woke up at 6:30. Not what I needed, I had to get stuff done tonight. (yeah, not that bloggin is helping my cause either...haha) When I was pregnant the first time this was exactly how I felt. I didn't have morning sickness but I made it to week 7 before losing the pregnancy but exhaustion was my main problem. I'm really hoping that this is it.
Ok...I need to get my butt of the couch and get a move on!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
So remember that couch that I posted about below? We went to go look at it. I'm not in love with it in person; it looks waaaaay more comfortable in the picture. Also, after looking at it in person, I think it would overpower the room. So we went looking again today...and we bought a leather couch, loveseat and ottoman! It was a killer deal. They are Simmons and a rich deep reddish chocolate color. I love them! We have always wanted leather but thought it would be too pricey. Lucky for us, we decided to go check out this local store again. I went in there a week ago but I was only focusing on sectionals. That is what I was set on having. We were going back and forth between a nice sage green microfiber sectional or the leather and we just think the leather has a bit more sophistication to them. Plus you have to love that they are made in North Carolina. Made in the USA, woo hoo! Here they are:
I cannot wait to get into this house. I am so super excited. I can picture the rich green on the accent wall in the frontroom (that's a living room for you non-Chicagoans) with the tan on the other walls and these couches. I can't wait to snuggle in on them. Now we have to shop for an entertainment center...or at the very least, a new tv stand. The one we have will go back to our smaller tv, which will be downstairs. It's so exciting to plan out *your* home. Please let everything work out for us!!! We are so ready for our own house.
I have yet to start packing or even organizing for that matter. I know I need to start doing so. Time is going to fly by, especially with us going home for a weekend for Easter. Maybe that will be my project this weekend while K is working. I could definately get our bedroom into better order. I can without a doubt get my craft and fabric under control. I bet there is a lot of fabric that I could donate. I have way to much and since I obviously haven't used it, I wont miss it. Sometimes I hate that I have all these ideas for the fabric I buy...and then I don't follow through and actually make the items. Maybe that will be something that I get into in the new place. I will be able to have an area just for crafting and that will be wonderful.
Monday, March 15, 2010
I found the couch that I love....too bad it's more $$ than I planned on spending. The half off price Ashley Furniture is advertising is not as bad, around $1750 but I'm so terrible about big ticket items and buyers remorse.
Here is what I want:
I also want a dark, possibly black dining set. And I also picked out the master bedroom furniture that I want. My internet is acting up right now so I will have to post a pic later. I have also picked out the kitchen paint colors, the half bath, living room, hallway, and possibly the main bath. Now that just leaves the master bedroom and the 2 spare rooms.
The smallest, closet-less bedroom will be the guest bedroom. I figure guests don't really need a closet and it's right across the hall from the bathroom (not that the other isn't right next door, LOL). The other extra bedroom is what I am stuck on. Ideally that will be the nursery. My road block: what to paint it and what to use it for. Do I paint it green like I plan the nursery to be? I love green so that doesn't bother me but if I use it as my temporary craft area, I had a much different color scheme in mind..think corals, limes, aquas, pinks, etc. What would you do?
Saturday, March 13, 2010
First off, Thursday was a train wreck. My youngest step-sister facebook im'd me and started in on me about E (the preg step-sis). It was terrible. She told me that I owe E an apology for not being overjoyed at her news! She called me an indecent human being, a liar, told me that if everything didn't go my way all hell breaks loose, etc. I copy and pasted the conversation to my dad and step mom but they didn't really care. So I finally got one good comeback in (I know, immature, but I was bawling at this point and K told me to write it) and she responded with a big FUCK YOU! and told me I dont know shit and we never need to speak again. LOL. You think?? Like I even want to anyway.
She must have ran right over to E's house because later that night E finally emailed me and we went back and forth a bit yesterday until I just took the high road, called her, calmed things down, basically accepted her half assed apology, muttered one of my own "for somehow making you feel bad that I wasn't happy for you." She seriously is sticking to her denial defense. She said she honestly has never heard me talk about my infertility and what we are going through. She is clueless. I have back emails to prove it from a year and a half ago!!! I knew one day it might bit me in the ass so I save emails like that. Sure as shit here we are. Nobody in that family listens to me anyway. That's half of the reason I just semi-smoothed things over with Eran. I just don't care about them at all anymore. You guys can live your lives, I live mine. I'm just done. As for my dad....well, he has seriously altered my relationship with him. It will never be the same. I'm so done with his guilt trips on why we never go to their house when we're in. Um, you live an hour and a half from where we stay when we're in. You can drive to see us, we've already driven 4 hours just to get to Chicago. Plus we don't want to just sit around doing nothing watching tv at your place. We actually like to be doing things when we're in. We're not there to sit around. We can do that at home.
Okay...so enough with them. On to better news!
I got up to my RE's office at 6:30 am, went to work, didn't even care about the results since this cycle had already been called by my RE. My nurse called at about 3 pm and my numbers almost doubled! I am right where I need to be! They rushed me in for an u/s since I had been planning to take off for Chicago right after work at 3:30. I have one lone dominant one with several smaller ones that wont reach maturity in time. The biggie is measuring at 16.9 I believe and my lining is at 9.6! I'm triggering tomorrow!!!! IUI is set for Monday. Can this really be happening?!? Is this a sign? Maybe this will be our baby after all!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
I'm devestated of course. I talked to my mom and her and I have been talking about adoption. Like my acupuncturist said tonight, this is way past the "wanting" a baby. It's that we "need" a baby. She gets it. She's been there. She tried for 4 years and had unsuccessful IVFs before finally having her daughter. My mom said that she would most likely be able to help us monetarily if we pursue adoption. I know that she would help if we asked for IUI money but I think she would prefer lending towards adoption. Not that adoption is any less stressful or expensive. It's just another avenue that I think I am finally ready to take more serious.
I can't wait for this week to be over. I am heading down to Chicago on Friday for some St. Patty's Day celebrations. Poor K has to stay up here. He'll be working all weekend. I really don't know how he does it. I just want to see some friends and family and eat some good food. It's times like these that I really get homesick. I hate feeling so isolated up here.
Monday, March 8, 2010
~~~Switching gears, I have officially stalled. E2 was the same as the last. We've upped the dose to 150iu/day. We'll recheck again in two days. I'm so over this. Maybe our luck is changing though...house...baby...it could happen right??
Sunday, March 7, 2010
I really hope we get this house. We took a final look before submitting the offer and we found a bonus we hadn't noticed during any of the previous 5 billion visits...hardwood under the bedroom carpets! We couldn't find a good place to pull up the carpet in the sunken living room, but even so, that makes me way happy because that's less $$ for new bedroom carpets! The house is a foreclosure. It's a cosmetic wreck. Honestly, it looks nasty. The previous owners probably never ran a vacuum ever. They also never cleaned out the radiator vents so there are soot marks on the walls. Where sconces hung on walls, the walls have a stenciled effect because the walls are so filthy. Trust me, it looks way worse than it is.
The kitchen has a fantastic layout. The cabs are basically new. The countertop is a cheesy looking laminate so until we can afford the granite, we'll make due. But there are soooooo many cabinets. The bedroom closets are slightly small, well put it this way, they are the smallest closets I have ever had in my life. They are still an ok size for some but being an only child and even as an adult, I have been spoiled with closet space. There is a lot of storage space in the basement so I really only have to switch out the seasonal clothes :o) I can make due.
It also has 1.3 acres, is across the street from one of our big lakes in the area and...has two 2 car garages!!! A two car attached garage that we have dubbed Rachael's garage and a two car detached garage that is for Kevin! This feature is beyond huge for us because we are rednecks from the city, lol. We have our two everyday vehicles which normal couples have. Then you add in K's Harley, our 88 Iroc Camaro (his old car growing up) and a boat. Yeah, we have a lot of shit that goes in a garage. It's ok. We are who we are. The boat was my mom's and she gave it to us and in the summer, it is a huge (!!!) stress reliever. Honestly, it's like therapy for us. We have a crazy day, a cycle fails, whatever, we just hitch up, drop it in and whip out onto the lake. There's nothing better than dropping anchor offshore on a warm summer day and taking a swim or tubing. WIth the weather hitting the 40s this weekend I can almost feel the wind at my face :o)
So yeah....wish us luck! I really want this house. I can see little kids running around the main floor, taking the dogs (oh yeah, plus K said that we can get another dog too!) out back and throwing the ball around. We laugh because we have such terrible luck since we've moved up here to Wisconsin but I'm hoping our luck finally turns around.
In infertility news, I'm still stimming. Second E2 barely went up, so once again I stalled. We upped the Bravelle dosage to 100iu and I have my 3rd E2 tomorrow. The best news from this week is that through the boards I was matched up with Eileen who had 10 vials of Bravelle to donate to me!!! That is such an unbelievably wonderful thing for us! I can't thank her enough. The great part about these vials??? They started off with one woman who used them and got her BFP, she had 12 vials to donate, so they went to someone new but she never had to use them bc she got a break cycle BFP! That woman in turn donated them to Eileen who used a couple and is now due with her baby girl in May! So we joked that these might be magical, lucky vials! I really hope so. I do NOT want to be the one who breaks the streak here.
After talking things over with K and my mom, if this is a bust cycle, I am taking an extended amount of time off ttc. I thought that I would only take enough time off to save for a couple more $$$ cycles and go again but I'm thinking that 5-6 months off might be the best idea. I want to travel to Atlanta to see one of my close friends and her son. I also want to finally get to NYC to see "Walt" (haha-you know you're reading this Kay!). Or maybe her and I will hit the tropics. Idk. All I know is that if this is a negative, I want to enjoy life again for a little while. I haven't enjoyed just being us and living our lives for 2.5 yrs now. It's draining. I hope we get the house and I can enjoy fixing it up and making it ours. I want to take some weekend trips and not feel guilty that the money should go to our ttc fund. That fund's depleated and so am I. It's time to live again.
Needless to say, I still want our BFP with every ounce of my being. Sometimes I want it so much I can hardly breathe. At least this time around the issue of being forced into a break doesn't seem like the end of the world (well, for now.)
I didn't intend on having this be so long today but it feels good to get it out :o)
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
I had my first E2 read of this cycle. When I got the results it was much higher than it was at the first or second reading last cycle. I was so excited. 30 mintes later I got a call from my nurse...and they hadn't calibrated the test or something so my number was actually 17 pts lower, like 52 or something like that. Still better than last time but it was for sure a bummer. Ugh. We're doubling my dosage for the next few days with a repeat E2 Thursday am.
We have officially used up our entire FSA for this year with this new order of meds :o( I haven't even paid for the actual doctor's visits yet. That, coupled with Shelby's medical bills will have eaten up our entire tax return and dipped a good amount into our savings. I am so nervous. I am so scared. This has to work. This is it for us for a while.
I can't stomach another BFN. I can't handle more time not cycling. I know my body, without these meds I will not ovulate, I know that for sure. My back up plan is if it comes down to it, I will focus that time on losing the excess weight I have. I know I am at my heaviest right now even though I haven't stepped on a scale in months. My clothes all fit tight. I feel disgusting. I hate what IF does to me. So the good thing would be to give more focus to actually losing as much weight as I possibly can while we are saving up again. My thought plan would be to do the 30 day shred coupled with regular gym workouts. In terms of eating, I would have to cut out all sweets and my favorites: potatoes. I love potatoes. French fries, baked potatoes, mashed potatoes...and my favorite: potato skins. It makes me sad just thinking about it, lol. I don't drink much pop at all, only the occasional stolen sip from K's glass. I don't eat much pasta anymore, once every two weeks would be a lot for us.
Well...just keep us in your thoughts that this cycle gives us our baby (or two!). I want this so much. I know we would make great parents. We're ready for this. We just need the final piece to our family puzzle.