Some things went down on the boards today and I'm really not sure what to make of it in the end. I am taking a break from bump boards. I am not sure for how long, it may only be a few days or it may be a few months. That is undetermined.
I am hurt that someone would think I am capable of being horribly mean on a public forum to someone I have spent the last year being a friend too. I am hurt that I was told this weekend that I abandoned this someone when she got pregnant. I am the one who sent a Christmas card, I am the one who kept up with your blog and made sure to text her when I saw that something was amiss. Whatever part you think I played in this whole situation is your cross to bear. I figured out who did it. I got played just as you have been. But that's your situation to have to figure out. Continue blaming me and feeling like I am the one who wronged you. Continue to judge me. I don't really care. I learned the very hard way this weekend that I am very gullible and too trusting of people. I got roped into a perfectly laid trap. It was cold and manipulative. That's my cross to bear.
I was 100% honest with you today. Whether you choose to believe me, that's your choice. Either way, there is the simple fact that I now know you think so low of me that you think I could do that to you. There's no erasing that. I can look myself in the mirror square in the eye and know that no matter how low I am or how bitter I may be about life in general, I could never create the drama that you accused me of today.
I will get better though. Unfortunately it will have to be without you cheering me on. I have my first therapy session tomorrow afternoon. I want my life back. I want my happiness back. I want to be able to feel like I am not going to break at any given moment. I was so upset today that I was shaking for hours. I cried that horribly ugly cry, lamenting that "I didn't do it" to no one but my dog and cats. I learned that even though I am broken, I am not unfixable. I am still a good person. I'm ok with not being on this journey with you anymore. The other details of what we ever discussed will forever be locked away in my memory and will not be shared, as I have nothing to gain. I no longer wish to dwell on our past together. I'm moving on with everything in my life. I wish you health, wealth and happiness in your life. May your family finally be complete and you can begin to heal the hurt you have inside. For the days that you were there for me to be a sounding board, I thank you. I am not so disingenuous that I cannot voice that. Goodbye and thank you for being a friend when I needed it.