Monday, February 28, 2011

Bye February

I am happy to see you go. With the end of you we can start to figure out how the rest of the year will go for us since pregnancy and a baby are not going to be in the cards for us.

In other places of the country the weather is already hitting the upper 70s and even into the 80s at times. Not here. This it the time of year that cabin fever for us is horrendous. We're **this close** to warmer weather. So close but so far away at the same time. I can't wait to have the grass be visible again, to have the snow gone and temps hitting around 40 degrees. That's warm enough for us to go outside and start hitting some softballs around on the field. Oh I can't wait.

Tickets went on sale last Friday and Saturday for some MLB teams and we got tickets to two games so far between the Cubs and the Brewers down in Milwaukee. I can't wait. The Cubs will still suck as always but this year is my tribute to Ron Santo.

What else is going on? I really have no idea. I'm waiting on AF...for what I have no idea. I'm waiting on a phone call from a recruiter about a job that sounds promising/interesting. We're waiting on news that K's paternal grandmother has passed. We're just sitting here waiting. Waiting for an absolution that will seemingly never come. 

Breach of Faith

 

I enjoyed this book. It is both stories of survivors and scientific reasoning. I enjoy reading books about storms, their scientific implications, and their aftermath. Right now I have been on a Katrina kick. I find the details that have since been released in the years after the storm to be disheartening. Our country is not prepared for another disaster, that is abundantly clear. Humans made Katrina worse than she should have been. The horrors of what people had to live with, the inequalities in this country, the unfounded rumors...they all make Katrina a sad, sad tragedy.

Katrina was not preventable from the standpoint that mother nature will continue to develop hurricanes but we have to think about how we are accelerating the storms; how we are fueling their intensity. New Orleans is the new Atlantis. We have damaged the marshlands and swamps around the city, probably beyond repair. By adding man-made channels and MR. GO (Mississippi River-Gulf Outlet) we have sealed NO's fate should another hurricane come. A bigger hurricane. A direct hit. The Big One. 

Katrina was not the big one. Everyone should know this. I will say it again. Katrina was NOT the big one. For parts of the Mississippi Gulf Coast it was closer to the big one but even they only received the cat 3 hurricane. What if Katrina never lost steam and stayed a Cat 5? What if politicians didn't squander billions of money in funding and aid? Where is FEMA's disaster plan? You don't need to be in danger of a hurricane to find out how unprepared we are.


Competed so far:

  1. New to me author - That Summer by Sarah Dessen, 10 pts
  2. Book you first heard about on NBC - Cracked Up To Be by Courtney Summers, 15 pts
  3. Non-Fiction Science Book - The Storm by Ivor van Heerden, 25 pts
  4. Sale or Free Book - Mini-Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella, 5 pts 
  5. Book about starting over, starting something new  - Breach of Faith; Hurricane Katrina and the Near Death of a Great American City by Jed Horne, 15 pts
Total so far: 70 pts

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Tears that won't fall

I had a glass of wine last night. And that one glass, albeit an oversized one, got me tipsy, lol. That's what happens when you lose all of your alcohol tolerance build up! It tasted so good though.

So what do I do in the meantime? I'm not really sure to be honest. Work out, read books, craft...that's my distraction plan I suppose. There are many things that I want to get done around here...but my attitude sucks ass. I keep thinking "why bother? who cares? what's the point?"

I want to be figuring out which bedroom we would turn into the nursery. I want to be picking out bedding and furniture. I want to be registering at BRU. When does it get to be us doing those things? When do we get to attend our own baby shower? Hell, when do we even get to head to the on-ramp of the expressway on the journey to pregnancy? When it comes to my body, I'm the lane that gets cut down in the construction zone.

While cleaning up the basement I came across the rubbermaid tub that holds the baby items that I have purchased over the years. A few onesies that I couldn't leave at the store, a couple minky blankets that are unbelievably soft and some little toys that I thought were adorable. I sat there and held the blankets tight and waited for the tears. They never came. Why can't I cry? I wish the tears would come. I'd feel better if they did.

I feel like I can't even fail the right way. I feel like, oh it must not bother me that much that this cycle failed since I haven't acted that sad. It did bother me. I'm devastated. Just why can't I show it? I guess my warning to my readers is that this blog may end up seeming like sunshine and thunderstorms in a sense. I am still a person that loves to joke around. I'm still sarcastic as hell. I can still laugh. Apparently I just can't cry anymore, lol. So please know, I'm still trying to figure out everything else beneath the surface, I am just trying to make myself happy in the interim.

I know that we have to do some soul searching and K needs to join me in going to therapy so we can talk through our next steps. I just hope that we end up on the same page in the end. I want to live happily ever after with him and our phantom babies. Is that so much to ask for?

Friday, February 25, 2011

When it rains, it pours

Or maybe I should say, when the snow melts and your sump pumps go out, it floods.

Yup folks, our basement flooded yesterday. We had been having some problems with the one pump (we have 2) sticking recently but we thought it was ok until we replaced it in the spring. So of course yesterday was a day that I had a second interview, laundry to do at the laundromat and then when K got home we went out looking at ellipticals and to dinner. Of course we weren't home most of the day right??

Thankfully K noticed he hadn't heard the main one go off since we had gotten home, so he opened the basement door and *sure as shit* there was water. We were planning on replacing the pumps with newer ones this spring and we could put new lines in as well. Uggggggh! The good part is that we didn't lose too much. We had a lot of pretty much empty boxes and rubbermaid tubs. K's school textbooks might be goners...but I'm not too sad about that. He's one of "those" guys that has made us keep the 3 heavy as shit boxes full of his math and physics and engineering textbooks in the off chance that he will need them for something in the future. It's been 6 years since he cracked any of them open. I'm hoping I can finally toss them ;o) I'm a bitch like that.

We almost lost some very important pictures though. I had no idea there were some pictures in this one small box down there. They must have gotten randomly packed by my mom or grandma when they helped pack us up (not trying to blame them but I know where I had the pictures before we moved and that was the area they were packing up...and let's just say they didn't really organize what they were packing). In it were pictures of my dad as a child that my other grandma gave me when I was making my dad's scrapbook for his 50th birthday. His hospital id card when he was born was in there too. I would have been heartbroken if we lost those items. I can only be thankful beyond words that they are safe and dry.

As for everything else going on in my life...I'm still numb. I don't know how to feel or act. I want to cry. I wish I would break down and sob. But I can't. The tears simply aren't there. I am terrified that we will end up childless. I'm afraid I'd resent K if we can't adopt. I am confused as to what our next step should be. I don't have confidence in anything IF related right now. Where do we go from here? Who do we trust? What is the best option? I'm so lost right now. I'm functioning and I'm going through the motions. Another year will pass without us having a baby. No bringing home an '08 baby, no '09 baby, no '10 baby and now, no '11 baby. Why can't I cry? Why can't I have my wallowing in bed? Now my body won't even let me grieve this cycle the way I want to. Stupid antidepressants. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Nothing

I was right. I had no real measurable follies at the u/s today. They were basically the same size as the last u/s, if not smaller actually which is obviously not a good sign. I'm waiting on a call from my RE to discuss what we should do now and to possibly schedule a wtf appointment. Wtf's the point? (pun intended)

***ETA: I just got the call and we are canceling for sure. We'll induce a period and ovary drilling is strongly advised at this point. My nurse is getting the codes together so I can call my insurance and get some estimates. I asked if the anti-depressants could have affected this cycle but I was reassured that they wouldn't have caused such a poor response.***

So...where do we go from here? I don't even want to bring up the subject with K right now but I know I do have to because we have to figure out what we are going to focus our energy on. Many people have the conversation before they get married about family plans/goals and we were one of those couples but I bet they never think they will be faced with the reality. K always knew I was very much interested in adopting at some point in my life. I think he never really thought that we would get to this point. I bet he thought that after having a handful of our own kids, we'd have no energy or money to adopt. Funny how life works sometimes. Or maybe it's not funny but more so damning.

For the time being I have to focus on myself and stay strong. I haven't cried yet today. I don't know if I will. That's the good thing about these anti-depressant drugs - maybe they've dried up my tears for today. Who knows? I sure as hell don't anymore.

(edited a second time because I obviously couldn't finish a thought or type correctly. My mind was def off. Sorry about that)

Monday, February 21, 2011

Could we be child free?

This is something that I am trying to figure out right now. I keep coming back to everything and I don't honestly think I could live child free and be the awesome aunt to sibling's children. I know I would love to adopt. I'm still bitter, or maybe it's just sad, that K came clean last year and said that he wasn't ready to go down that road. I know he is not ready to give up on a biological child. I'm not there either but I'm still trying to prep myself for the reality that could be facing us soon.

With being OOP completely, we will have the decision to make to move to IVF or adoption if this hail mary fails. I think that I am 80% sure IVF will win out for one try but after that...I know K will have to really look at everything and figure out what he wants for our parenting future. Part of me is really afraid of what his answer would be if the IVF were to fail and he still didn't want to adopt. Where would that leave me? I'm really not sure the answer to that. It frightens me. I know that most couples won't have to ever make these decisions. They won't have to face a potentially child free life that isn't by choice. I know there are worse things that could happen in one's lifetime but for us, this is the potential heartbreak that we have to face right now.

So what do I do in the meantime? I guess I just keep chugging along. Keep praying that this cycle will work even though I have lost all hope already. Isn't that sad? I don't honestly feel in my heart that there is a way this cycle will end in pregnancy. My mind tells me that since I stalled, the Follistim isn't working properly. The dosage isn't right. Even though we keep upping it, I've been injecting for almost a month now. Seriously. I don't have confidence in my doctor right now. I feel like they are prolonging it. I just don't know today. I have lost all faith in this turn. When does it get to be us? It should be easy to have a baby. It should be just my husband and me having fun in bed. It shouldn't take years of failure and heartache. It shouldn't be the biggest stress on a marriage. It shouldn't make a wife worry that in the end, it could be the catalyst to the end of a marriage if we want to go down two different roads when faced with the fork in said road.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

A final season snowstorm?

So a week ago the temperature made a turn northward and we enjoyed bright sunshine and temps in the mid 30s and up for most of the week. It was glorious. The snow melted and grass was everywhere. I saw all the yardwork that I left for spring too! lol. I could kick myself on that one for sure! But....this IS Wisconsin ladies and gentlemen...so the frozen tundra gods decided that we weren't done with winter. It's been snowing all day and will be doing the same through 90% of Monday. I think we are in a pocket of 12+ inches expected. K and I ventured out to grab dinner tonight and the roads are shit! The main road (and only road) out is for the most part open country, save for some houses here and there. So the drifts are horrendous already. See peeps - there really is a reason to have a 4x4 SUV!!! Especially when you live in the country. There's absolutely no way our car could get to the main road if need be. I can promise you that.

So I guess that means I will get to have a couple more days left of snowmobiling! I thought that my days of that fun were over, lol. Tomorrow should be interesting. I wonder if K is going to try to navigate the roads to work. I know he has a lot of projects going on but I really hope that he takes a snow day. Another day of being holed up in the house together would be fun. We already made the best of it once this afternoon ;o) TMI? Possibly. But since you all are here for my vag cam dates and IUIs and periods, you can be here for the fun no pressure sex too. Fair enough? Thought so. (P.S. Hi Mom)

Speaking of vag cam dates...I am supposed to have one tomorrow morning but with the snow and roads, there's no way I can get up there. My clinic is 35 miles away. I think I should be fine though. I've only been on the increased dosage since Thursday and since I was stalled, I doubt I've skyrocketed. It's kind of weird though. I swear I felt my left ovary turn on yesterday. Like a switch was flipped and the gears started grinding to a start. Let's go you stupid stubborn organs!

Last week I totally forgot to blog about an article/news story that happened here in town. my former employer, the one who laid me off in May, had foreclosure proceedings filed on Wednesday! The electric company came at noon and shut the buildings down and sent everyone home for good! There weren't that many people left anyway but it still sucks for them. Like all of us that have been laid off in the last year, it's nothing unexpected. I love all the former employees that are commenting on the story. I *may* have commented myself, lol. The truth needs to be out there about how bad a businessman my former owner is since there is word he has some local city workers in his back pocket and is trying to buy another business in town. I also found out that in addition to the last few workers not getting paid on time in the last few months, the last paychecks that they were issued bounced this week! Pretty shitty huh? This place was hell on earth. The owner is a jackass and that's just being sweet to him. The working conditions were disgusting. I'm happy that he might finally have what's coming to him..but somehow I think he'll end up buying his way out of trouble. 

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Mini-Shopaholic

Ok...what to write about this book? I have to admit I was annoyed pretty much from start to finish with it. I haven't read all the Shopohaholic books. Only the first one - and that was because I watched the movie and thought I might like to read the actual book.

Rebecca Brandon, nee Bloomwood is frustrating. I found her character to be rather annoying and frivolous. I didn't find any of the situations to be believable. She spins herself into complete states of stress and anxiety and it's all her doing. I had little sympathy for her. Just stop shopping and stop your twisting of the truth already! Dang.

I have no idea why I'm so worked up about this book. It's just simple breathless chick lit. The ending wasn't resolved enough for me and that also annoyed me. The only thing that really entertained me is that I could completely picture Isla Fisher narrating this whole book. I think that I will just give Isla the credit for her acting skills in the original movie :o)
 
ETA: Just so I have an easy way of checking in on the WBC...I am listing the categories that I have finished so far. Very pathetic I know but I got a late start and haven't really been dedicating a lot of time to reading, even though I want to.

Competed so far:
1) New to me author - That Summer by Sarah Dessen, 10 pts
2) Book you first heard about on NBC - Cracked Up To Be by Courtney Summers, 15 pts
3) Non-Fiction Science Book - The Storm by Ivor van Heerden, 25 pts
4) Sale or Free Book - Mini-Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella, 5 pts
Total so far: 55 pts

4th E2 = No big rise

out of my fourth E2 that is. I'm stalled...blech. I will up the dosage again tomorrow (I ran out of enough tonight) and we will do another ultrasound on Monday. I am so sick of this already. I forgot how tedious cycling is. Our FSA money is going to be spent in totality with only this cycle. This really sucks. I was hoping that maybe we'd some way be able to eek half of another cycle out of it but I highly doubt it....I better order my new contacts fast! ;o)

So that's my minor update. I have a book post to do as well. It's about time I got another book finished!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Exciting (non baby) things

We're thinking about adding to our family. A baby right? Haha, nope.

Another puppy :o) I think we are slightly crazy but if we are going to add another dog, it's probably a good idea to do it while I'm home to train him. He's 5 months old and he is a cocker spaniel/bichon frise mix. He looks like a little teddy bear! He's so adorably cute. We haven't met him yet but we are filling out the application for the rescue and if they see that we are good candidates, they will schedule a meet and greet. He is located about 3.5 hours away, down in La Crosse. I'm really excited about him. I wanted a small dog for our 2nd dog - a white fluff ball. K says no way with our yard are we going to have a small white dog. Then we thought maybe we should get another cocker. Well, here's the perfect mix!

Wrigley is doing much, much better. He had his two week follow up for his ears and they are still slightly infected so they put more ointment in both and we'll have another follow up in two weeks. He has calmed down tremendously too. He's back to being a good dog. Still mischievous but that's just his charm, lol. We figured out that he really would be happier with another puppers. This weekend he had his cousin Neala up and she is a (huge) 6 month old Boxer and he was so happy! He had another doggy to play with and he was in heaven. The cats blatantly ignore him, lol.

How was your Valentine's Day? For once we actually exchanged gifts! We are the couple that never do more than cards, dinner out and some flowers for me. But guess what I got?! Something extravagant: a Nikon D3100 SLR camera! I am so pumped!!! I have absolutely no idea what I am doing with it but I am looking into some beginner's photography classes so I can become a pro (haha) at it. I am so excited to have a camera that I can take awesome food pictures with for the food blog. I have already taken almost 400 pictures...yes I am slightly obsessed! Shelby (our white cat) is the perfect subject. She sits patiently and gives me some great shots. I'm going to have to post some here. I'm afraid you will all be subject to photo overload in the near future. My apologies in advance ;o)

What else...still cycling, I go for E2 #4 tomorrow morning. I'm really hoping to see a big rise asap. This is taking forever! I know they don't want to hyperstim but I'd love to up the dosage again and start to get the show on the road here.  

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy 30th Anniversary Mom & Dad

Not my mom and dad - K's parents. 30 years ago on Valentine's Day they were married. I love them both with all my heart. I honestly hit the in law jackpot. I couldn't imagine my life without my in laws.

My MIL is nicknamed Viola by me. I am her Charlie. And it stems from the movie Monster in Law even though we've never had a tumultuous relationship :o) I love that we have this relationship. I love that I can turn to her to cry on her shoulder or to discuss anything that's on my mind. She's quirky and funny. She doesn't take herself too seriously. She bends over backwards to make her family happy, even to a fault. She's giving of time, advice, love and even money. I love her as if she were my real mom.

My husband is my FIL to a T. It's frightening how similar they are in looks, mannerisms, tastes and hobbies. Maybe that's because K is a Jr. He is definitely his father's son. At first meeting, Big K can look intimidating. He's got that gruff outdoorsy, get your hands dirty look to him. He's got a wicked, sharp sense of humor. His laugh is infectious and loud. He's excitable like a kid in a candy store with his new "toys." And what a hard worker. This man works harder than anyone I know. He's super smart but not in an "in your face" intelligence. He's the salt of the earth. I can only hope DH will continue to be just like him.

So to them I say  

Congratulations on your 30 years of marriage. I selfishly hope you have 30 more wonderful years together. Us kids would not be anything without you. I am thankful every single day that I have had you both in my life for the last 8 years. I - we - love you more than words can say.

Happy Anniversary & Happy Valentines Day.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Trading news

So it seems that K's grandmothers decided to switch severities. Grandma D woke up but has the trach tube in her. She is still in very serious condition but she was alert as of yesterday, thank God. However, Grandma F is now going to hospice. She was alert and all according to SIL and MIL but she has stopped eating and can't swallow anymore. She has dementia and Alzheimer's and I have never known her to be lucid in the time K and I have been together. So from what I can tell, this looks to be end stage dementia. I'm not sure of any more details but K is hurting so bad right now. I give him credit for how he is handling it all. If it were my grandmas in this situation, I would be hysterical. My grandmas are my life. There's no one in my family that I am closer to than both of my grandmas. Anyway...I'm sure I don't even have to ask because you are all wonderful and super supportive friends but if you could keep K and my ILs in your T&Ps I'd greatly appreciate it.

And speaking of your support, I really just want to reiterate that you are all the most wonderful group of people! The last month has been so tough but we're getting through it and I know that all the emails, comments, texts, calls from you have made it so much easier. I love you all.

What else...I did wish K's cousin congrats on fb. I don't know, something feels different. Maybe I'm just turning that corner. I always was happy for them deep down I suppose but was unable to voice it for them. So I really did mean it when I posted it. I don't know if she has seen it yet or not but I hope she's doing well and not stressed horribly now that Grandma D is awake. I think she is due in August so there's the chance that the baby could be born on my birthday or her birthday :o) I like sharing my birthday, lol. I think she's due more early August though so she'd have to be like 2 weeks overdue. Since she lives in Florida, I won't wish her an extra two weeks of being pg...in August...in Florida. That would just be mean, lol.

As for everything else...this weekend will be a blast with my SIL and her bf here. I can't wait to see them tonight. We all need some laughs and some fun times.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

This can stop now...

My dad just called me. My stepmom's brother passed away today. He was much older than her and he was mentally challenged but he was doing well recently. Ever since their mother passed in June of 09 he has been living with his siblings. My dad and B just had him over to their house for the weekend a few weeks ago and he really enjoyed his stay. They think he passed in his sleep.

Skippy was the town fixture in the suburb I grew up in. He walked the streets of that suburb every day. I knew him long before I knew my stepmom (my dad and her grew up together and after hs went seperate ways but reconnected all those years later. My dad lived in the town he grew up in until he got remarried - thus I lived in that town as well). If you've ever watched the movie Rain Man, that was Skippy. He was crazy good with numbers. You would never see him without a cigarette, lol. I'm sure he's up there now lighting one up.

Please keep her family in your thoughts and prayers as well.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Please keep us in your T&Ps

In addition to K's maternal grandmother being unconscious in the ICU, his other grandmother is now in the hospital! She was unresponsive in bed at her nursing home and so she was rushed to the hospital. I don't have too many other details about her but from what I can gather, she is awake. I hope so at least. We really can't take much more of this. 2 grandmas, 1 grandpa, and one great uncle all with serious ailments. :o(

The grandma we went to visit, we'll call her Grandma D, just wont shake that sedation. It's not a coma technically, but it is like it. Right now, she won't come out of it. I know how that is because after a major surgery, I didn't come out either. I went into seizures and convulsions and stopped breathing. I was medically dead for about 30 seconds. Luckily I pulled out ok. She, on the other hand, has been unconscious for 12 days. The doctors have started to talk to MIL and AIL (aunt in law) about how they need to get that breathing tube out of her and they want to pull it and see if she is capable of breathing on her own. If not, they won't put the tube back in, they would either trach her or....DNR. MIL is understandably upset because she is not ready to give up on her. Neither are we. She was SO responsive on Saturday. You could tell she wanted to talk, to wake up, to pull through. She's just trapped in her own body :o( She really needs to pull through.

I went in for another E2 this morning so hopefully I will be getting those results back soon. I don't want this cycle to be canceled. I just want to have a baby. Plain and simple. I'm so tired of all this waiting for it to happen.

Part of me wonders if we should just take a break from TTC and live child free for a couple years by choice (well sort of, you know what I mean). We could travel, spend money on the house, pay off the car and other small bills, maybe put an addition on the house....the list is pretty endless. It's not that I don't want a baby tomorrow. I just think it will continue to be really hard for us to function if we continue to struggle. It's just a thought, and I really haven't said anything to K about it. I know he is dying for a baby. He really wants to be a dad and soon. I just think we have to re-evaluate our options after this cycle.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Another new interesting week

Such an interesting Monday. Partly shitty. Partly sad. The Packers won the Super Bowl so at least people up here are happy ;o) We had a great time with friends for the game. We threw our annual SB party and made some great food. That was the fun part of the weekend. The other part was going down to Chicago. We did end up going, thankfully. K's grandma still isn't awake :o( She just isn't coming out of the sedation. She was very responsive to us on Saturday, which was great to see. I know K really needed to see some positive signs from her. He has been fairly quiet about her situation but I know that it has been eating at him inside. My grandpa, on the other hand, is doing well. He is home from the hospital, resting comfortably in my Grandma's care. I'm very thankful for that.


:::Edit::: eh, w/e I'm moving on from that drama

-------so now I can move on from that topic--------
I had my first u/s today. And even though I had a great first E2 - there's nothing going on on my ovaries. I'm so sad right now. I know that I have been just taking it one day at a time but it still hurts more than I want to think about right now. I am waiting on a phone call from the nurse to let me know what my RE wants to do about it. My guess is either we push a higher dose for a week and see what happens or we just cancel it altogether. Blech.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Internal Progress

I think that something has changed in me. I mean, how could it have not? But I think that I am starting to come to grips with certain things. I'm trying to deal with babies. I mean I have to come to grips with the fact that people won't stop having kids around me even if I can't get pregnant. I know it's not the prettiest shade of green to be. I get that my jealousy and bitterness are not rational to anyone other than me or my fellow infertiles. I don't want to be that person anymore. I don't want to fight anymore. I want to be happy for people. I think that deep down I am happy for them but it just gets pushed down where all I feel is the sadness and resentment. Like with K's cousin, I know I should be happy for her. Even if she was the one who said bringing kids into the world is selfish and she didn't want any kids ever. That's her choice and she seems very happy to be pregnant. I shouldn't hold it against her that she can get pregnant easily and I can't. I have to be prepared to get an announcement from my cousin that is getting married in October. She lives in Iowa and is getting married at 21, so being a young mom isn't out of the question. Of course it would hurt...but I need to be prepared for it. It's the last chance for me to have a "first" great-grandbaby in any of our families. It will happen when it happens is what I need to think about.

There is a part of me that is slightly optimistic about this cycle. I had my first E2 yesterday and my levels were good. I didn't ask for numbers, nor am I going to going forward. I don't need to over analyze this time around. It is what it is. I guess they are good enough that we have an u/s scheduled for Monday morning. So fingers crossed...but not too tightly. I'm enjoying this attitude towards this cycle. I think it's healthier for me. One day at a time, one shot at a time, one drug at a time. I pray this is it for us. If not, well, life will go on, one way or the other. I can't control the outcome.

Anyway...busy weekend ahead of me. We might be going home for 24 hours so K can see his grandma, who still hasn't come out of it. MIL says that she's so close to opening her eyes but she just can't. :o( Hopefully this weekend will bring some change. MIL's sister (pg cousin's mom) is in town from Florida so we also want to see her. K isn't sure we can make it down though because about an hour ago he got something dumped on him that has to be done by Sunday. So I guess that's a play it by ear situation.

I also have my step-grandpa in the hospital down in Texas. He had quintuple heart by-pass surgery 5 years ago but last week he went in with breathing trouble and he has fluid build up and after the drained it, since there was so much fluid, they did an angioplasty and they found more blockage :o( So he had a stint put in.

My great-uncle is also in the hospital in Florida with pneumonia. He has been battling leukemia for the last two years and was doing fairly well but he had a heart attack before the holidays and now has this complication. I am fairly close to him and he's such a good natured guy. He looooves his football. I'm hoping the Super Bowl this weekend lifts his spirits.

Oh and in addition (could there BE anymore bad news?) I took our dog in for a pre-op workup (to be neutered) and he was so HORRIBLE that they just did it right then and there. And they found a severe ear infection. I felt so bad about that. He hasn't had any funny smells from his ears or anything like that and we clean them regularly but...cockers are prone to them. My poor guy. I had them shave him all the way down too. He looks so funny and tiny compared to his Sasquatch old self. So my $60 vet trip cost me $600! Yikes. Never a dull moment in this household, let me tell you.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Operation Snow Storm

I figured that today might be a good day to do a lighter post around these parts. I know that it's been quite depressing (har har har) around here lately. I have been on zoloft for a couple days now and I am nauseous quite frequently now. It feels like the first time that you go on BCPs. I am not liking this so far. The pharmacist said that it will probably take a full month to get the benefits of the drug. Is this kind of weird - I am second guessing my need for them. Maybe it's because I've been dealing with things well for the last week or so but I know I probably do need them, or would at least benefit from them, but I sort of feel like they are a cop out. I know they're not. Especially since I know that I have far from cured my low points.

Oh and as for the conflict with that friend, if you are reading this...I haven't forgotten about replying to your email. I just haven't had the energy to. I know that sounds mean on my part and I'm sorry but I really am trying to just not focus on it. I know on your end you probably want some sort of closure and can understand that. I will try to reply as best I can as soon as I feel I can.

Anyway...there's another snow storm headed this way but we are going to get the short end of the stick. Chicago is supposed to get hammered. 2+ feet. I hope it somehow miraculously shifts north and comes for me ;o) Not fair! I know that non weather loving people think I am absolutely insane but I can't help it. I love weather. All aspects of it. The mystery behind it is fascinating to me. My "idol" or non-hottie crush is Jim Cantore on The Weather Channel. He made a comment today while he was reporting from my beloved hometown that he was stoked and it is like the moments before landfall of a hurricane - it's that big of an event. I totally understand that feeling. That's exactly how I feel watching the weather unfold around the country.

My true passion is weather. I'm too chickenshit to do anything about it though. I know that the degree I would need would involve lots of math. Math and I aren't friends. Except I have an understanding of weather related math. I have a knack for it. I "get" it. Except I would have to pass non-weather math related classes in order to do anything in the field. So yeah...maybe in another life. Until then I will continue to annoy the hell out of K by watching WTC for hours on end. And by hours on end...i mean that I fell asleep watching TWC last night and so the tv has been locked on that channel nonstop for about 20 hrs. Yeah.