Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The future is a mystery

I really don't have much of a point in writing this other than to just get it out. I'm not sure how many people are actually reading this blog anymore anyway.

I really can't describe how stuck I feel right now. I am so terrified of never being a mom. Being childless was never an option for me. I think that K would eventually concede to adopting but I know that if he were to come to me tomorrow and say let's adopt....it would just be to pacify me. I want him to want to adopt. Right now he doesn't.

I fear what this will do to our marriage. There are some people out there that think that love is all you need. That friendship and understanding and respect are the only things that you need. I think they are wrong. You have to want the same things in life and you have to be able to work together to accomplish those goals. Having a family is a major life decision. We both desperately want to be parents. I know that our IF affects him deeply. However, his line in the sand comes way before mine.

Keep in mind that we are not fighting over this. We aren't in a bad place in our marriage. But I fear that it could be a different story sooner rather than later. At what point is it too much? At what point do we call it quits? Which quits am I talking about?

That's a super scary question. I want to grow old with my best friend. He is my everything. But I can't be childless. Maybe that's selfish. I just am not going to bend on the kids issue. I will be a mom. Someday, somehow. Maybe something else will come around to change my mind. Maybe we will end up pregnant. I have no idea.

I tried a little experiment with my anti-depressants last week. I tried to wean myself off of them. What I found bothered me.* I had all the pain and angst back with a vengeance. I morn the baby that I carried 9 yrs ago. My due date was July 26th, 2003 and that anniversary always causes me to breakdown. I would have an almost 8 yr old right now. How different my life would have been. I don't know when or if I will ever be able to move past IF. I only hope this struggle comes to a happy ending. I'm getting really sick and tired of the misery.

*and yes, I am back to taking them every day like clockwork.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Fire Sale


Oh yes, another book done! I really enjoy Sara Paretsky's V.I. Warshawski series. Blacklist was literally set in the town I grew up in and so I was hooked from that book on.

Fire Sale revolves around South Chicago and the gritty streets that Victoria grew up in. She is asked to step in and coach her former high school's basketball team when her former basketball coach falls ill to cancer. From that point she is brought into a mystery at two local businesses, one small, one world dominator. Murder, lies, runaways...it's all here in this book.

I love the pace of the books. Paretsky knows how to move a story along but at the same time allows for the story to develop. I have two more VI books sitting on my bookshelf right now. One is an older book in the series, one is the newest one. I am def. looking forward to both of them!

This will most likely be the last book finished in the Spring Book Challenge :o( I didn't get as many categories finished but at least I stayed with it. The Summer Book Challenge (SuBC) starts on Friday so here's to some more fun summer reading!

Completed So Far:


  1. Book about/at a wedding: Wedding Season by Darcy Casper, 10 pts
  2. Book IHO pet owner's day: Dewey's Nine Lives by Vicki Myron, 10 pts  
  3. IHO Earth Day, read an ebook, audiobook or library book: The 9th Judgment by James Patterson, 5 pts 
  4. Read a book by an author with your name (first, middle, maiden, or last): Simply Irresistible by Rachel Gibson, 15 pts.
  5. Read a book with a person's entire head not visible (partially shown): Nothing But Trouble by Rachel Gibson, 5 pts 
  6. Read a popular book: a book that has at least 15,000 ratings (not reviews) on goodreads: Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett; 15 pts
  7. Book to continue a series you have already started: Viola in the Spotlight by Adriana Trigiani, 10 pts 
  8. IHO the Royal Wedding, read a book about royalty or a royal character: Diana, Closely Guarded Secret by Ken Wharfe; 15 pts
  9. Read something outside: Fire Sale by Sara Paretsky, 5 pts
Total Pts: 90 pts

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Diana, Closely Guarded Secret


I told you it wouldn't be too long before yet another book post came up ;o)

Obviously this was for the book challenge that I have been participating in and the category was something I knew there would be many, many books I would want to read. The category is IHO the Royal Wedding, read a book about royalty or royal characters. While there are many books out there - and royals both fictional and non - I knew it would have to be a Diana book. Say what you will about the Princess of Wales...I find her legacy intriguing.

My mother was (is) a huge Diana fan. I remember the night she died quite clearly. I was in 8th grade...or maybe it was just about to be freshman year. I was staying overnight at my mom's house and I was laying downstairs in the rec room watching a late night movie. All of the sudden she came running down the stairs crying. I asked her what was wrong and she simply said "Diana's dead." We stayed up all night watching the coverage in the master bedroom, me holding her hand while she cried silent tears.

There are many critics of the Princess. There are many lies and rumors that surround her memory. We will never know the truth behind some but this book was a great insight as to the real Diana. Ken Wharfe was her bodyguard for 6 years and prior to that he was Harry and William's as well. He saw the Waleses in their daily lives. What I like about what the author wrote is that even though he was closer to the Princess, he doesn't bash Charles or the monarchy - which if he did, I would only take his account with a grain of salt believing the book to be too biased. It also doesn't feel like a book to capitalize on the Princess's memory. He wrote the book to set some lies straight because he felt like he owed it to her.

Instead he paints a picture of a woman who really was trapped and in the end, she was granted her freedom but it may have cost her her life. Diana was manipulative, she was good hearted, she was respected by millions except the one person who in the beginning was the only person she wanted to be respected and loved by - her husband.

It's kind of crazy to me to think that almost 14 years have pasted since her death. So much in the world has changed and yet some things are completely the same. Such a sad ending to a promising future.

Completed so far:



  1. Book about/at a wedding: Wedding Season by Darcy Casper, 10 pts
  2. Book IHO pet owner's day: Dewey's Nine Lives by Vicki Myron, 10 pts  
  3. IHO Earth Day, read an ebook, audiobook or library book: The 9th Judgment by James Patterson, 5 pts 
  4. Read a book by an author with your name (first, middle, maiden, or last): Simply Irresistible by Rachel Gibson, 15 pts.
  5. Read a book with a person's entire head not visible (partially shown): Nothing But Trouble by Rachel Gibson, 5 pts 
  6. Read a popular book: a book that has at least 15,000 ratings (not reviews) on goodreads: Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett; 15 pts
  7. Book to continue a series you have already started: Viola in the Spotlight by Adriana Trigiani, 10 pts 
  8. IHO the Royal Wedding, read a book about royalty or a royal character: Diana, Closely Guarded Secret by Ken Wharfe; 15 pts
Total Pts: 85 pts

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Are you sick of my book posts?

Sorry!

I just don't have much exciting going on in the land of Rachael. Other than being broke, infertile and bitter that is. Reading has always been a favorite past time for me. I love getting to know characters and creating my own sequels in my head. Anyway, I'm just reading away over here...and will be continuing to post mini-reviews too :o)

I'm a very broken record right now too - I am still really sad about our lack of baby plans right now. I am just so flippin sick of this journey. I want off. I want this to be over and done with already. I'm tired of being taught some lesson...if infertility can even HAVE a lesson hidden amongst the tears and frustration. I want to see my son or daughter looking up at me. I want to be picking out names and little onesies. Why does everyone else (ok, duh not everyone) get to have babies? Why can it be me? When is it our turn?

I just hate this. I hate IF. FUIF. Seriously.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Viola in the Spotlight


If you haven't noticed by now, I am a big fan of author Adriana Trigiani. This is the second and latest book in the Viola series, which is also Trigiani's first YA series. I started loving her books through the Valentina series. I'm so glad I picked up the first Viola book, "Viola in Reel Life." I have a stack of Trigiani books on my TBRVNF (or in Viola speak: To Be Read in the Very Near Future".)

Viola in the Spotlight picks right off where we left her in the first book. She has just finished her first (and only) year at Prefect Academy. As much as she didn't want to, she ended up loving her roommates and being at boarding school. Now it is time for her to pack up and head home to NYC - and back to her two best friends Andrew and Caitlin.

Her summer is not going as she had planned what with Andrew at camp and acting weird after he kisses Viola. Caitlin puts Viola in a very tough position when she finds summer love. When Viola's grandmother is given the chance of being back on Broadway, Viola invites the quad girls to experience what life in the city is like through her eyes. The end is bittersweet and Viola makes a big decision that she didn't think she'd make...and that's where Trigiani leaves us.

I think that this is a great book/series for anyone that loved the Jessica Darling YA series. I devoured those books for sure. The only thing bad is that we have to wait for the new volumes to be published. Boo!

Completed so far:


  1. Book about/at a wedding: Wedding Season by Darcy Casper, 10 pts
  2. Book IHO pet owner's day: Dewey's Nine Lives by Vicki Myron, 10 pts  
  3. IHO Earth Day, read an ebook, audiobook or library book: The 9th Judgment by James Patterson, 5 pts 
  4. Read a book by an author with your name (first, middle, maiden, or last): Simply Irresistible by Rachel Gibson, 15 pts.
  5. Read a book with a person's entire head not visible (partially shown): Nothing But Trouble by Rachel Gibson, 5 pts 
  6. Read a popular book: a book that has at least 15,000 ratings (not reviews) on goodreads: Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett; 15 pts
  7. Book to continue a series you have already started: Viola in the Spotlight by Adriana Trigiani, 10 pts
Total Pts: 70 pts

Thursday, June 2, 2011

The Pillars of the Earth


I have officially become a huge Ken Follett fan.

This was another period drama, like the other book of his that I reviewed on here. This time this was set in the midevil times - the 12th century.

I don't even really know what to write about this book other than: just go read his books.

The characters in the sotry are so real in the way he describes their lives. I hated William and wished I could kill him myself. I grew frustrated when stubborn pride got in the way of real love. I hated characters and pitied others. I got a history lesson somewhere in there as well as multiple love stories. Love for family, love for spouses, love for traditions that die hard.

Oh...and it was a Showtime mini-series that aired last summer! If only I had known then. Well, that would have also meant I would have had to have Showtime but that's another story. I will have to hope that I can catch it through netflix or something like that! Here's a clip that gives you more of a look into the storyline.
Pillars of the Eart Mini-Series

Completed so far:

  1. Book about/at a wedding: Wedding Season by Darcy Casper, 10 pts
  2. Book IHO pet owner's day: Dewey's Nine Lives by Vicki Myron, 10 pts  
  3. IHO Earth Day, read an ebook, audiobook or library book: The 9th Judgment by James Patterson, 5 pts 
  4. Read a book by an author with your name (first, middle, maiden, or last): Simply Irresistible by Rachel Gibson, 15 pts.
  5. Read a book with a person's entire head not visible (partially shown): Nothing But Trouble by Rachel Gibson, 5 pts 
  6. Read a popular book: a book that has at least 15,000 ratings (not reviews) on goodreads: Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett; 15 pts
Total Pts: 60 pts

2 books by Rachel Gibson


This was the first of two books I have now read from her. I read them both in less than a week! They are very simple romance/chick lit books but I thought they were entertaining. A little raunchy but I kind of liked that side of the books, lol. Both books are based around the fictional NHL hockey team the Seattle Chinooks. Maybe that's why I like the books so much - they are about some hot hockey players! Yum!

Simply Irresistable starts off in a dash - literally. Georgeanne is dashing from the alter after figuring out that she can't go through with her wedding to the Chinook's owner, a man way to old for her. She finds herself begging a stranger, John, to take her anywhere but there. She has no money, no clothes, no family to help her out. That night one thing leads to another and she sleeps with John. The next day he leaves her at the airport and never looks back. He's afraid of his boss, the jilted groom, finding out about the night. She's afraid of being alone.

6 years go by and when they randomly run into each other again, the fallout of their night together comes to the surface - that night resulted in a daughter that Georgie has been raising. John wants to be a part of his daughter's life but Georgeanne doesn't want to open her heart again and risk being hurt yet again.

Overall, it was a cute and very fast paced book. Perfect for reading on lunch hours or before bed.


The next book I read was Nothing but Trouble. Once again it was another Chinook's player but this time Mark is a former player that is dealing with the loss of his mobility and career after a tragic car accident that rips hockey out of his life and leaves him with a void in his life he doesn't know how to fill.

Enter Chelsea. She's been hired by the Chinooks to help Mark get around and be his aide even though she's an out of work actress and not a nurse. Mark has fired every other aide that has been sent to him and the Chinooks offer her a bonus if she makes it 3 months with Mark.

They start off disliking each other but of course the story wouldn't be good if there wasn't an insane amount of sexual tension. It takes most of their effort not to cross the lines but in the end, they can't help themselves. Along the way Mark has to figure out what he has been so unhappy about - the loss of the love of his life in hockey or the loss of having someone to love him.

Completed so far:

  1. Book about/at a wedding: Wedding Season by Darcy Casper, 10 pts
  2. Book IHO pet owner's day: Dewey's Nine Lives by Vicki Myron, 10 pts  
  3. IHO Earth Day, read an ebook, audiobook or library book: The 9th Judgment by James Patterson, 5 pts 
  4. Read a book by an author with your name (first, middle, maiden, or last): Simply Irresistible by Rachel Gibson, 15 pts.
  5. Read a book with a person's entire head not visible (partially shown): Nothing But Trouble by Rachel Gibson, 5 pts 
Total Pts: 45 pts