Sunday, December 22, 2013

Snow day in Sconnie

Today we had the first "big" one of the snowy winter season up here. It was originally supposed to be 8+ inches but I think when all is said and done, we will be somewhere around 6. Meh. Child's play.

I can't believe that Christmas Eve is in two days. This season has felt so off to me. It was shorter for starters. Then the weather just got super cold and I didn't bother with putting up any outside lights up. Shit, I didn't even get the tree up until a couple weeks ago. And we have a certain little kitten who has literally climbed the tree, completely knocked over the tree, and who won't leave it alone. He's an asshole. A cute asshole - but an asshole all the same. So none of the ornaments I love so dearly are on the tree. 

 All in all it's ok though. Work is going well. I'm in the middle of my stretch of covering for a coworker's maternity leave at this point. I thought that I would be completely buried and failing but I'm proud to say that I have been holding my own. I had a fun work even this last week where I got to give away a total of $10,000 for a shopping spree. It was so awesome to be a part of that. I think I'm finally starting to feel like I'm finding a groove in my career. It's about time. I think I've more than paid my dues. 

Anyway, I hope all of you who are celebrating this week have a wonderful holiday!

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Race Plans 2014-15

If you've been reading this blog for a while, you will know that weight loss has been a main focus for me the last few years. Not that I've exactly been stellar about it 100% of the time but I'm 25lbs down from my starting weight and I have no plans for going back in the wrong direction. 

With that said, I've created yet another sister blog to this one - Fit, Fat...and Back Again. I wanted to have a blog that focused on weight loss and my journey with that topic. I don't want to crowd that journey and my IF journey too much - even if they are going on simultaneously. I will continue to post updates here, cross posting some days (like with this post). 

I've spent the last few weeks picking out the races I want to run next year. I for sure will do The Color Run again. This is their 2014 Kaleidoscope Tour. I am not sure when/where I will run it though. I might have to shoot for Milwaukee or Green Bay because the Chicago date is 6/8/14 and Amarillo is 6/7/14. The following weekend is my sister's wedding on the 13th so that might be tough. 

On top of that, the other June race I want to run is the Run for Their Lives PAWS for Chicago 8krun/4k walk. PAWS is the city's largest No Kill humane organization. I really love their organization and their mission. I would love to be able to do some great fundraising for this one. Last year it was the 9th of June and I'm guessing it will be the same weekend. I think I'd rather do PAWS and move my Color Run to a different city and date.

In early 2014 I think I will aim to do the Shamrock Shuffle 8k. I believe it will be held on March 31st. Somehow with a Wisconsin winter I will have to figure this one out. We rejoined the Y and they have an indoor track so I think that's what I'm going to end up using. 

I will probably run the Ugly Sweater again since K said he'd do it if I want to again. My SIL said that she wants to do it for real next time and not bail again. So we will see on that one. 

I feel like I need another run in there somewhere. After the Ugly Sweater I could throw in a Turkey Trot or a holiday run but come January 10th-ish 2015...I will have the Disney Half Marathon!!! I can't believe I am going to do it. But I am going to try my best to make this a reality.

I better start both saving and running even more. And investing in paper bags to breathe into. I foresee a ton of hyperventilating in the next year. 

Monday, December 9, 2013

Christmas is when??

I think I've been in denial that the holidays were upon us. When did they just jump out take hold? It's not like this is new information. I mean, I get that. I just don't understand how Christmas is in 2.5 weeks. I have barely started shopping. I haven't even put up any decorations - although in sub-zero conditions we did go out to the detached garage and pulled some things down. As I was typing that last sentence it also just dawned on me that I forgot about cards too. Shit.

Sigh. 

I can only hope that the rest of winter goes by this fast. Lord knows that I hate the cold and snow with a passion. I still don't understand how I'm still living in Wisconsin 6 years later. I would have lost a major bet if I had put money on that fact 6 months into living up here. Anyway, this winter weather talk has a point, I promise.

One thing that I have really found to be surprising about the running that I have done in 2013 is that I've grown to actually like it. I hate the actual running...but I've fallen in love with the sense of accomplishment it gives me when I finish my daily run or a race. I loved coming home and throwing my workout clothes on, my ipod on, and hitting the road. Winter here sucks so running outside is not an option for me. I know that there are some that will do it...and maybe if we get some random 40* days with no snow cover I might think about it. But out here in the country, the road is icy and the temps hover a lot lower than that.

So I will leave this topic hanging a bit for now...but I have some running news and wrap up I'd like blog about next time :-) Oh and as for the cousin/adoption situation, I never heard anything back and didn't let it bother me. I expected that to be the outcome. So now we will just proceed with life as normal. 

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Nothing to update

I still have not heard from K's cousin.

I'm not shocked but yet I am so...angry? impatient? mindfucked? hopeful? hurt?

I sent her another message, short and sweet, just asking her to let me know if our offer is something that she is even considering. I (nicely) said that I didn't need a concrete answer to the whole picture, just to know if we are still a consideration because if she's completely sure she wants to parent, I will go ahead and proceed with our IVF planning for 2014.

She read it 15 minutes after I sent it. No response. I guess on one hand I should take that as my answer. Since I am a glutton for punishment, I'll probably give it until Friday and then completely proceed with life as it was before Thanksgiving.

Sigh.

On the positive side, I managed not to gain a thing over the holiday weekend. So there's that I suppose.

Do I need to post some pictures to lighten it up around here? 

 

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Thanksgiving... And family madness

I hope you all had a very happy Thanksgiving! This was the first time in years that I did not host my family up at our house. Instead a cousin of mine wanted to host this year so we came home to Chicago and while K stayed at his parents all day, I split the day into two dinners. I dread what that scale is going to tell me when we get back tonight.

Friday was another first in a long time for me. I didn't get to a store before noon! I boycotted the traditional Black Friday craziness. I don't think I missed it either to be honest. Instead, my mom and I took the L downtown and did our annual visit to Christkindlemarket at Daley Plaza, got delicious popcorn from Garrett's, and shopped up and down north Michigan Ave and south State St. It was a fantastic day. I love being in the heart of the city. It never gets old to me. I took a stroll down by my old apartment on south State (near Roosevelt in the south loop) and I'm amazed by all the stores and restaurants that are now there. Ten years ago I was ahead of the curve I suppose. I could barely afford the rent then but I bet I'd be priced out of the area for sure now, hahaha

So that was the highlight of the weekend.

You knew that I had to add some sort of family drama into the mix didn't you?!

Let's back up to Wednesday night. I get a text message from my SIL as we are walking in the door to my ILs saying, "'A' is pregnant?!?" My heart dropped. This is a cousin of K's and is only twenty years old and in no shape to raise a baby. On one hand, I feel for her because she is the product of my mother in law's derelict brother and a junkie mom. She was in and out of the foster system from a toddler on. She has had family try to help her and give her guidance over the years but she knows how to play the system. Currently she is living with an ex-boyfriend's mother. She doesn't have a license, let alone a car. She doesn't have a job either. The baby daddy is in the picture and gave her a "promise to get engaged ring" earlier this week as well. She is trying to go to one of the local community colleges supposedly.

Apparently when she first found out she was pregnant and told the dad, his first reaction was to put the baby up for adoption. Her response was that she couldn't do that not knowing where the child was going and what if it's a bad home. She is only using her foster care experience as guidance. I can't say I blame her for that either. It is all she knows. Naturally I went to her FB page (I've had her hidden for years bc of how incredibly crazy and stupid her drama is) and found a bunch of posts about it. There was so much venom going on between the dad's sister and her. They were urging her to make the right choice and to listen to the dad's wishes. 

Anyway, on Thanksgiving she and her dad ended up coming over to my ILs. I had a migraine and was busy on the phone with various family members so she pretty much stayed in the front room with MIL. When they left I got the full story. She expressed concern about being able to provide for the baby and didn't want to have to be homeless with a child at some point. She doesn't want the baby to be in the system. She thinks that the dad is "the one" but his family hates her and creates problems for them. She said that the dad wanted adoption for the baby and that since "A" knows we have been battling infertility that she would want us to adopt the baby. She left it to my MIL to talk to us about the possibility. 

So after taking a day to process it (plus I was busy shopping on Friday) K and I had a long talk about the whole situation. We came to the conclusion that if she wants us to adopt the baby, we will. However, it would be handled as a closed adoption to protect ourselves and the baby from any drama that they might cause.  After walking around Ikea for a few hours to talk it through on Saturday evening (I do my best thinking while shopping, lol) we decided to send her a message thru FB. 

I started it off with a simple background explanation about our IF and that we knew she talked to MIL about our situation and the possibility of  her putting the adoption process into motion. We let her know that we would adopt the baby if that is what she chose. 

She responded almost immediately with,  "Hey thanks for writing me. when i was talking to Aunty i was telling her that i want to try to care for the baby first but if down the road i can't then yes i was going to try to get together with you and K to talk about it."

So the story changed from what she told my MIL apparently. And we are not going to be her failure backup. She doesn't get to try, fail, and then come have us bail her out. Not happening. So in the nicest way we knew how, we sent another message to her explaining that our offer is to fully adopt the baby from birth and legally through the courts. We tried to convey the facts to her that we need notice to our employers for our leaves, we would have to find a lawyer for a private adoption, we would have to prepare a nursery, etc. this could not be a last minute decision made a month after the baby is born. 

I sent it and saw that she read it but have not heard anything back. In my head I knew to expect that. In my heart, I hate that I unwittingly became invested in this without any warning. It's cruel to an extent. At least from an infertile's point of view it is. I honestly started thinking about the bedroom we have earmarked for a nursery. I started thinking about when my maternity leave would be. I thought that she was really about to say we were going to be given her baby. 

What a mind fuck. 

Where this goes I have no idea. Pray for that baby. It will need it. My heart breaks for it. 

(Edited to remove names)