Thursday, December 25, 2014

Dear Bunny 4

Today is Christmas. Your very 1st Christmas. Oh how special this is for your daddy and me. 

You came into this world a little over a week ago and it has been nothing short of amazing. Your daddy and I have cried many happy tears while just sitting around holding you. We can't even begin to describe the amount of love we have for you. We are so grateful that you were sent to us. How we got so lucky I will never know. You are perfect in every possible way. You radiate this unbelievable beauty.

Our life changed for the better when we found out you were on your way to us. Our lives finally had meaning when you were born. I can't thank you enough for coming into our lives. 

We love you so much little girl. 


Monday, December 22, 2014

Baby Bunny is Here!

Team Green is no longer. We officially became Team Pink on December 16th at 11:25 pm!

Caroline Virginia was born via unscheduled c-section. Long birth story to follow in another more detailed post :) 

She weighed 7 lbs 14 oz, was 20 inches long, and has a full head of dark hair. 

Breastfeeding didn't start out going great - for whatever reason - but we are working on it and pumping as much as I can so that bunny can get all the liquid gold she can. 

And yes, I will still call her my little bunny now that I know she's a little girl, lol.

She is completely perfect. She had her daddy wrapped around her fingers the moment she came out. 

I've never known anything so incredibly amazing. It's mind boggling. K and sit here and stare at her and we cry tears of joy. Yes, we're sure most people who have a baby feel joy and happiness. We don't doubt that or try to minimize it but there is this extra level of thankfulness we feel. I have cried so many happy tears the last few days. It's not the postpartum hormones either. I just can't believe this is real. She's really here. It's surreal.

I am complete. She is my whole world. I have a daughter and she is amazing.

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Bunny's still hopping around

No change on the fact that I am still over here baking our little bunny :-) Tomorrow I will be 38 weeks. It's simply incredible. These last weeks are tough but in reality, I just don't feel comfortable complaining about them. I will never get over the fact that this is actually happening. I never wanted to be that person on fb or blogs complaining about how hard being pregnant is. I wanted this. I wanted every bit of morning sickness and heartburn it comes with. I cried a little today when rubbing my belly because I am sad that it went by so fast. K had to remind me that for him it's taken forever. He just wants to meet his little miracle. I've gotten all the fun so far. He's just gotten all the extra workload, poor guy, lol.

We put up our tree today just in case bunny decides to come before Christmas. I wasn't really going to worry about decorations this year's just not the same without a little festive decor in the house. 

Yesterday we did a marathon day of Christmas shopping. 9.5 months pregnant shopping for 6+ hours is not an easy task let me tell you. I was hurting when we got home. Hurting with a capital H, lol. 

I am now officially on maternity leave as well. Friday was my last day until March! Well, in all technicality the next two weeks are technically the last of my 2014 vacation days but who's keeping track? This feels very weird. Very awesome and exciting but still weird.

I guess my plan for the next week is to do things around the house to organize and clean and I also have plenty of crochet projects I want to finish up. Oh and bake cookies! I didn't bake a thing last Christmas and I was sad about that. I better enjoy these last days of eating sweets...once bunny comes into the world I can't really use the "I'm pregnant I can eat whatever dessert I want" card anymore!!

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Dear Bunny 3

Dear my sweet little bunny, 

I sit here tonight eagerly awaiting your arrival. Your daddy is so incredibly excited as well. He makes sure to rub my belly and talk to you often. We both can't wait to meet you. You should be here any day now. I just can't believe it. I can't believe sometime soon I will have you in my arms and not my belly. 

I have been nothing but eternally grateful to be pregnant with you. I still have to remind myself that this is actually happening. Our dreams are coming true. You are by far the best thing that has ever happened to your daddy and me. We love you so much. We will never be able to tell you just how much you mean to us. We will try, trust me we will, but we'll never be able to fully explain it. 

You are well loved by so many people. You are coming into the world with 6 grandparents who all love and adore you without ever meeting you. Your great-grandmas (and grandpas) are so happy they will get to meet and spoil you. One thinks you're a boy and the other says girl. It's fun to hear their predictions. 

No matter who you are, I promise we will love you unconditionally. Boy or girl, we are overjoyed. When you grow up, we will support you in whatever you want to do with your life (other than be a low-life bum or criminal). You can love whoever you want to love. You can marry whoever you want to marry. We only want you to be happy and healthy. I will request my own grandchildren though. Sorry, you won't escape that one with me. 

I hope that I will be exactly who you need me to be as a mom. I will do my best. You deserve nothing but that. You and your daddy are my world my little bunny. My God I will miss calling you my little bunny. I will miss your kicks. I will miss your twitching and your somersaults. I have never, ever felt more comfortable in my own skin than I do now - because nothing else matters. My priority has been you. To get you here healthy and safely. My world was changed forever on April 20th, 2014. That was the day I found out you were on your way. 

There is a song that is out on the radio right now and I cannot listen to it without bawling like a baby. Your Auntie H, your daddy, and I saw it preformed live by Garth Brooksa couple months ago. I suppose that means that you also "saw" it as well. The lyrics are below - and they are so true for me. I love you forever and always. I can't wait to meet you my precious, amazing, miracle little bunny. 



Little baby told God hey I'm kind of scared.
Don't really know if I want to go down there.
From here it looks like a little blue ball
That’s a great big place and I'm so small.
Why can't I just stay here with you?
Did I make you mad, don't you want me too?
God said oh child of course I do
But there’s somebody special waiting for you

So hush now little baby, don't you cry
Cause there's someone down there waiting whose only goal in life
Is making sure you're always gonna be alright
A loving angel tender tough and strong
It's almost time to go and meet your mom.

You'll never have a better friend
Or a warmer touch to tuck you in
She'll kiss your bruises your bumps and scrapes
And anytime you hurt
Her heart’s gonna break

So hush now little baby, don't you cry
'Cause there's someone down there waiting whose only goal in life
Is making sure you're always gonna be alright
A loving angel tender tough and strong
It's almost time to go and meet your mom.

And when she's talking to you make sure you listen close
She's gonna teach you everything you'll ever need to know
Like how to mind your manners, to love and laugh and dream
She'll put you on the path that bring you back to me

So, hush now little baby, don't you cry
Cause there's someone down there waiting whose only goal in life
Is making sure you're always gonna be alright
A loving angel tender tough and strong
Come on child it's time to meet your mom

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Taking notes

I really don't have much of a point to this post but I wanted to write it all down somewhere as a record of what was going on just in case it means something :) And for anyone not really caring about bodily functions and fluids, I'd probably skip this blog post.

I've been having strong contractions (Braxton Hicks I would still call them technically) for the last week and a half - since my ob appointment about 10 days ago. This past Friday (today is Wednesday) K and I went out to dinner and then to the mall to do some Christmas shopping and at times the contractions were strong enough to make me have to "breathe through them." We went home and I took a bath as they say that with false contractions, baths seem to help calm them down. It only helped minimally. I went to bed early and Saturday woke up with more. They went away for the most part during the afternoon/evening. Sunday I only had a few bursts of them. 

Everyday since I've had them, sometimes frequent and strong. I've also had decent cramping most days, today being one of those days. When I was getting dressed this morning I was putting on my pants and I heard these weird popping noises. Now, it wasn't like a stomach gurgle and nothing gushed out. But it was distinct pops. On my way to work the contractions were 8 minutes apart but by the time I settled at my desk, they went away. After my first and second "pees" of the day at work, when I wiped it was like the tp was stained a golden yellow/slightly brown. It wasn't goopy and then my afternoon/evening pees did not have this same staining. I have no idea what that means, lol. Tonight while we were out shopping I had to pause in the parking lot because I had a few intense jabs of pain that felt like they were in my crotch, lol. I've been having some back pains (not terrible, just discomfort) and I had my first loose bowel movement a few minutes ago. 

Now I know not everyone goes into labor after these things but I've read stories so ya never know ;) I just want to write it down anyway. I really am getting anxious to get the show on the road. Yet, of course I never want this pregnancy to end. If I could technically pick my date to give birth it would be in another ten days. That would assure me being on vacation, a few days of rest at home, enough time left in my "bank" at work to use for my first week of maternity leave pay, an baby would hopefully be here and home by Christmas. Wishful thinking huh? 

I'm so ready for this...and yet not. I love you little bunny and I can't wait to meet you (but I can)!

Friday, December 5, 2014

What this month really means

Maybe I should just apologize in advance for the following blog post. It's just so much more than I can put into words. 

This month isn't just about actually bringing bunny into the world. 

It's not just about having a baby. Lots of women do it. And lots of women will do it this month right along side me. Well, if bunny decides to stay on time it will all be this month. 

This month means so much more to me and K because it's the end of such an incredibly painful and twisting and crazy road for us. We've done it. We made it through. We're entering the other side. 

There are couples who go through the same or even worse paths to parenthood. Even though it's the end, it is never closed. Infertility leaves such an engrained mark on our lives and our hearts that we never fully recover. We will never get this time back. We will never be able to put the hurt and pain and sadness and disparity in a little section in our memory to be forgotten about. Some of us lost years of our lives. We locked ourselves away to be able just to cope and survive all the while putting on these fronts day after day and endless "are you going to have kids" questions. We never knew how to answer it. 

This month is about K and me being able to say we made it. 

We almost divorced because of infertilty.

He drank away his pain. I sought refuge in my IF friends and let us drift apart.

I succumbed to diagnosed depression coupled with anti-depression meds and therapy.

We survived lay offs and family drama and paying tens of thousands of dollars for more heartache and failure. 

We lost who we were as a couple and as lovers.

We lost who we were as people and individuals. We were shells of people stumbling through life pretending.

When we did this IVF:

it wasn't the feeling of peeing on a pregnancy test for the first time and actually thinking it could be positive. 

It wasn't feeling like the weight of all your dreams of being a mom were waiting at the end of those two minutes for the test to turn to two lines. 

It was having all of your parents knowing when and where your eggs and his sperm were collected. 

It was having all your parents know when you would be finding out and you not knowing how to break the news to them if it was negative. 

It was every waking and non-waking moment being consumed with the intense fear that you might not succeed and this is the end of the road for you. 

It was every moment of the last 6.5 years bottled into one moment. That one moment when the doctor confirmed a heartbeat. 

Because for infertility patients, we know that a positive pregnancy test (or 20 of them that we all know we take just to be sure we aren't imagining it) doesn't mean anything. 

We know the first beta doesn't really mean anything. 

Nor the second, or the third, or the fourth. Hell, the heartbeat doesn't even soothe us completely. An ultrasound doesn't calm our fears.

So while the next 9 or so months are consumed with overwhelming happiness and gratitude, it doesn't mean infertility and fear is gone. 

Every day since we got pregnant I have woken up hoping and praying that this baby is thriving. That we will meet him or her shortly but am quite content to keep him or her in forever. 

Every day I wake up knowing that I fought so hard for this baby. I dreamed for this baby. I sacrificed and struggled for this baby. I would die for this baby in an instant, no questions asked. 

This month is about more than just a baby being delivered. It's about words that aren't even in the dictionary to describe this feeling. It's about a miracle in our lives. It's about all the pain being worth it. It's about the tears cried being finally wiped away with a kleenex. It's about never knowing if you would give your parents a grandchild of their own coming true when you are their only child.

So in this final month, that is what it means to us. This month is taking everything above and saying, it was worth it. We made it. We fought the battle and somehow won.  We're scarred and we have wounds. But we're alive on the other side.

This month is about bunny and so much more.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

9 Months...The final countdown

Well, here I am 9 months in! This is the last few weeks of my pregnancy and I am feeling all sorts of emotions. I'm so thankful to be here and to be meeting our little one so soon. I'm sad because I loved this experience. I will miss my big bunny belly. I will miss the kicks and jabs. I'm so happy that we were able to travel this road. I had lost hope many times over the years.

And since I used to do a ton of venting, some irrational and some not, I have one to add tonight. Bunny is being thunder jacked. Ok, fertile won't quite understand. But my fellow infertiles will. My SIL, the one who used to be one of my best friends up until her betrayal during her engagement/wedding, dropped the bomb yesterday that she's 4 weeks pregnant. As in was sending me a pic of the pee stick before it was even dry. Of course she prefaced it with an "I've been having nightmares about telling you" and then a "I won't tell mom and dad until after bunny comes so that they can be joyful for bunny and for you." Ok, that just sounds so shitty. So they can't be joyful if they knew? Like is your kid more special? And what hurts is that she couldn't just give us this time alone to be pregnant. For months she kept bringing it up that she was going to get pregnant in November and wouldn't it be great to be pregnant together?! I was always honest and told her that I really wanted to be the only one pregnant and that it wouldn't be fun for me. There was no pressing reason for her to start trying in November. Other than her (hopefully tongue in cheek) comment about how it would be payback for her since I'm due near her birthday so she'll have a baby on mine. Yeah...she's due 4 days before mine. I told K for months now that she will be the one to get pregnant on her first try. I could have been a millionaire if I bet on it. They stopped preventing two weeks ago on their vacation and sure as fucking shit she's knocked up. 

Since she wasn't going to tell my ILs until Christmas or after bunny, I forced the issue with her. I don't want her to announce to the world she's pregnant a few days after I give birth. I told her to just tell mom and dad. I hate that she decided to tell me and then force me to hold her "secret". For what? I mean, really? You knew my position (selfish as some may see it) and you didn't care and then you tell me but want to have me pretend for weeks that all is fine? No. Not happening. So I told her to tell the parents. She's already told work since she has to wear a special monitor to check radiation dosages. I told her to tell them yesterday since that's when she told work and me. She said no bc her husband wants to be there. I said well K and i had to do it by phone (since we don't live there) and she said they'd take them out to dinner this weekend and tell them. You know, to make it special and all that shit.

After seven years of infertility this hurt is nothing new. I get I can't control others. I just hate that this was a selfish move on her part. There's no reason why she couldn't have waited one more month to get pregnant (since it obviously was not hard to succeed) so that I could finish out my pregnancy alone. It's just about attention. I was pregnant during the last 7 weeks of her engagement and now the last 4 weeks of my pregnancy is shared. She couldn't just let us have the attention for not even nine months. All the bullshit comments about how "excited she is" and how much she "loves her niece or nephew" leave me with a bad taste in my mouth. I feel like it's all fake. I feel cheated. I hate this. I hate that she couldn't just let us have this. I wasn't asking for a year. 1 month. That's all. For the rest of my baby's life, it will share those same milestones with her kid. 

In the grand scheme of the things in life, it's not the end of the world. I understand this. I understand there will be people who don't understand why it hurts me and that's ok too. 

All I need to try to do now is focus on my family and my baby to be. I love this little one so much. I want all the love and attention to be on this little miracle - because that's what bunny is - a miracle. I am so lucky. So freaking lucky in that department. No matter what hell we went through to get to this moment, it was all worth it. Maybe that's the one fortunate thing infertility can awareness of how incredibly precious this is. It may happen easy for some, like my SIL, but they will never know what it really feels like to fight for this moment. That's something that she can never take away from me.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Maternity Pics!

I am so excited to have our maternity pictures back. There are a few (that I won't post, lol) that I wish I would have found a little more flattering pose but....overall (and a big overall) I am very happy with the results.

Here are a few of my favorites:

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

8 weeks left!

So we went home for Halloween and the weather sucked! At least I made/put together a cute little costume if I do say so myself :) I'm loving this bump!!!!!!!!!

We got back on Sunday morning and then I had my intimate WI shower. I have some great friends up here now. It's still weird to me that I have a social circle up here. I mean, it's only been a measly 7 years, lol. But they all gave bunny some sweet and awesome gifts. While we were home on Saturday K and went to BRU and did some nice damage with our registry completion code. Then yesterday I was able to put in a Target order and stacked so many offers they had going on (10% everything for no reason through today, 10% $75 purchase of window treatments and other select categories, 15% registry coupon, free shipping) and got all four window panels, the humidifier, the end table, baby pants, a Xmas present for my niece, and a couple of the cute Peter Rabbit toys (Bunny needs bunny toys, duh!) all with gift cards and for a total of $176. Not bad if I say so myself. 

It has dawned on me that if there is anyone who used to read my blog before this pregnancy and who doesn't care about all my pg related posts, this blog sucks now. I'm sorry. It's obviously the main thing on my mind. I also know there are probably people still in the trenches and these posts hurt to read. For that I am sorry. I know that the battle to get pregnant or to be matched is such a horrible fight. I will continue to keep you all in my thoughts and send you all the pregnancy vibes I can. I will always be an infertile at heart. Always.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Single digit week countdown

Only 9 more weeks until my due date and 5.5 working weeks left for me! 

I am taking Thanksgiving week off and then my last day of work will be December 12th. I am playing Russian roulette with my time off though. I have 13 days left to use up for 2014. We can't roll over any days with my company unfortunately. The first week of my paid maternity leave is actually only paid if you use your own days. Because of where my due date falls, as well as the holidays and the fact that I have no idea when I will give birth, it complicated knowing how many days to "save." So because of the uncertainty I am just going to use all my days right at the end of the year. I might end up losing some since my short term disability/mat leave will kick in the moment I give birth. 

I've picked up a few more cloth diapers via swap sites and ebay. Once those arrive I believe I will be at 20 in our stash. I really need to get some inserts. Those are what I am lacking big time. So far my stash includes Bum Genius 4.0 and Freetimes, Fuzzibunz pockets, Flips, Kawaii, and Rumparoos. I'd like to get a couple more, possibly some covers (Best Bottoms or Blueberries maybe?) and some more AIOs.

Our guest bedroom is overflowing with the baby items and we will be going home this weekend to pick up the rest of the items we left last week (well and to celebrate Halloween) and then my much smaller WI shower is this Sunday. 

I will also have you know that as I was typing this pg brain attacked and I had a whole other subject or point or topic mind to write about and I can't remember what it is to save my life. Ugh! Well, I guess it will just have to wait until next time.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

30 Weeks!

The top 3 pictures were taken back home in Chicago. We had our maternity pictures taken on Friday the 17th down at Lincoln Park Zoo and then our shower was the next day. The last picture is from the shower. I had such a wonderful weekend. Bunny is completely loved by many. We had 58 people attend (including us)! I would have loved to have invited more friends but the venue we had the shower only allows for 80. I know about 90 invites went out, lol. Those grandmothers like to invite everyone ;-)

I can't believe it's over though. I've been looking forward to this for months and months and months. It's sort of sad :( I also can't believe that I am 3/4 baked now! How am I 30 weeks along? I don't want this to end by any stretch of the imagination. I've loved every second of this. I will gladly carry bunny for another 9 months. I know I sound like a broken record but it's the truth.

I've also, for the most part, scheduled my tentative leave dates. Since I still have a ton of vacation time left for 2014, I am going to take the week of Thanksgiving off and then my last day before leave will be December 12th. I'm running the risk of "losing" some of my time off if bunny comes early since it is "use it or lose it" and you can't roll over any time. But if we just pretend that bunny is going to come on its due date, that will give me almost 3 weeks leading up to the birth to relax and get prepared...and to nap. Napping will be nice. Then on the other end of my leave, I am planning on going back to work on March 2nd. To do so, I will have 6 or 8 weeks of paid leave from work and then I will take an unpaid week of FMLA and a week of my 2015 vacation time. That is again assuming a due date birth. But that's my plan so far. That means that after tomorrow, I only have 7 working weeks left! Holy crap!

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Amazing Bunny Pics

Today we had our 3D/4D imaging session and it started off with bunny not cooperating one little bit. The appointment was at 10:15 am and I should have known bunny wouldn't want to be awake and moving at that point in the day. Bunny was laying in the worst possible location (across my belly, head facing my feet) to get super clear pictures. We had mentioned that we were going to be running errands in the area so she said to come back in a couple hours after walking around, eating lunch, and drinking a bottle of orange juice. 

I was so afraid that the return appointment was going to be a bust. I really wanted to have a couple new pictures of bunny to use at my shower next weekend. After some more poking and prodding, bunny moved a teeny bit so that we were able to get some shots. One thing has stayed very consistent with this little stinker - s/he loves its feet! Bunny had them all rolled up onto its face and forehead, lol. It might not have helped with the image quality but at least it was cute to watch. And omg, the little yawns we watched were freaking adorable. Heart is completely melted - even more than it already was. 

Naturally I must share some of my favorites. 

Say hi to bunny:

Monday, October 6, 2014

1 Hr Glucose Test, end of 2nd Tri and other randoms

A few days ago on Friday I had the dreaded 1 hour glucose test. You all know I've been pretty confident in knowing the chances of me passing were slim. I'm a PCOSer with insulin resistance plus I was on PIO for 22 wks (there are studies showing a correlation between progesterone and gestational diabetes). So going into all this, I was laughing to myself and others that if I passed I'd be more shocked. 

Well...color me shocked. I passed: 125. Holy crap! I'm freaking thrilled! It's not like I wanted to have GD but I was prepared for it. 

During my visit I also got the flu and Tdap (pertussis) shots as well as had my blood drawn to test for hep c in order to clear me for water birth. All is well. I never get the flu shot in a normal year but because bunny will be born in December in Wisconsin, in the middle of flu season with no protection, what little things I can give him/her as a shield you darn well better believe I will do it. I'm also going to have a conversation with all the grandparents and make sure that they have their shots as well if they plan on coming up and visiting. We gotta keep bunny healthy and adorable :) 

I can't believe how fast my shower and maternity pics are coming up...under two weeks to go now! I'm so excited to see all our family and friends. I have a feeling I will shed some tears. I finally found a dress to wear to the shower. It's not exactly what I wanted to wear- black lace and silver/white background that I will pair with a cardigan. I wanted something bright and bold sized maternity clothes selection sucks. Like big donkey balls sucks. I also am so close to finalizing my maternity picture outfit. I just need to find the right jewelry now. 

And in other exciting is my first day in my 3rd Trimester!!!! Holy crap y'all! This is going by way too fast. How am I in the 3rd tri? I only have 12 weeks left, 84 days until my due date. I feel like it was just spring two days ago. I'm so in love with this baby and this pregnancy. I'm so blessed.   

And for fun, I will share some pics from the last few weeks. And yes, I do love this dress. To death. I wear it every week for my weekly pictures I make K take of me. And then as a bonus I happened to be wearing it when I got to meet the Governor when he did a press conference at my work last week :)
25 wks
27 weeks

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Going Green

As I prepare for bunny's arrival I find myself falling deep into the black hole that some might consider "granola" or "crunchy"...and I'm kind of nerd-ily (totally made that word up) excited about it.

We are going to attempt to (primarily) cloth diaper! I might have mentioned this idea before on here but I'm not sure - and I'm too lazy to go figure that out. As a newborn I think we will stick with disposables to make life a little bit easier during the transition to having a baby. I also will most likely use them whenever we travel home for the weekends or when convenience wins out for being out and about.

These are a few of our main reasons for heading down this route.

1) Waste reduction. This is both in terms of carbon footprint and personal waste reduction. You see, we don't have garbage pickup here at our house. Most people have this provided for them in their taxes. Not us. Not sure what all gets paid with my high taxes (% wise even though we are LCOL, it's a very high %) because we don't get plowed, no curbs, no city fire or police, ok schools, and no garbage pick up but... Every Saturday we have to haul our garbage to the "dump." Which the "dump" isn't that big stinky mound you would normally picture. It's actually a bunch of dumpsters that is located just down the road. It's not that bad of a chore. Sure we could pay the $50-75 per month fee for collection but I'm cheap so we don't. The only time it really sucks is when we are gone for a weekend and have to wait another week before we can drop off (since it's only open on Saturdays). With that said, if we start adding the million and a half disposable diapers a baby will go through - that is a lot more garbage to haul.

When we get to the global environment impact, I just simply feel better with helping to reduce our waste. Plain and simple on that front for me.

2) Hopefully a cheaper expense. Again, I am cheap (ok frugal is a better word) where I can be. Many people make the case that there are added expenses for water and electricity (which, to be fair, can negate environmental impact pluses) and they would be right. For us, we are on a well so there is no water cost for us. We also hang dry many of our clothes as it is. Seriously - I hang dry all my clothes except t-shirts and panties. I'm ok with continuing that habit with diapers.

3) Chemicals. This one isn't a major deterrent for me when talking about disposables. I'm not one that claims all those gel beads or plastic components are the devil. Maybe they are, maybe they aren't. I don't have enough info to make that call. But I do feel that it's one more natural thing that I can do for bunny that might help prevent rashes or discomfort. We shall see.  

Well, that's our plan for now. I am sure I will have some more to say on it as time goes on. For now I'm busy learning about and hunting down bargains.

Friday, September 26, 2014

Rachael and the terrible horrible no good very bad week

Apparently the Alexander children's book was made into a movie starring Steve Carrell and is soon to be released! If only it had been released today...I would have bought the first tickets that's for sure. 

Where oh where to begin. And as a warning, this is a very TMI type of post.

Let's start with bright and early, 7:30 a.m., on Monday morning for starters. I'm fresh out of the shower and my phone is ringing. K had a blowout on the highway nearly into the town he works in nearly 30 minutes away. Of course this vehicle didn't have a jack in it (naturally) so I had to run it down to him on the side of the road. The poor guy had to struggle with the wind blasts of semis and cars blowing past going 65+. Let me take this minute to remind you, if you see a car on the shoulder, move the hell over. Don't be an ass and stay in that lane if you have a choice. It's just common courtesy and helps prevent accidents and injury. Anyway, he got the spare on and then we went and got four new tires put on. I got home around 11 am and decided to work from home from that point rather than waste another 30 minutes driving up to my office. 

Work week from hell commenced. If it could go wrong, it did. Deadlines weren't met by others so that bled into my work and left me pulling my hair out and apologizing left and right for all the changes that needed to happen. Add in some interesting "gossip" for tentative plans if I don't come back from maternity leave - which I've never said was the case - and you get a frustrated pregnant woman.

Then we get to today. Now I know that there are a million pg women who end up having an insane gag reflex when brushing their teeth. I've been lucky to escape that other than some slight gurgles when doing my tongue scrape. This morning I got out of the shower and was brushing my teeth. Mind you I pretty much air dry after a brief toweling off and don't bring my clothes into the bathroom with me. So I scrape my tongue and I end up getting queasy to the max. I thought I would be able to keep the acid down but I was wrong. Way wrong. I made it to the toilet and started the joy of puking happened. Pregnant bladder strikes. I couldn't stop it. I peed myself while still throwing up. Yup. All down my legs and on the floor. 

Needless to say I jumped back into the shower to clean up once again and then cleaned up the floor before getting to work. And yes, the work week continued to be a shitstorm even today. 

So that's my story. Quite the week huh? Dear lord if bunny wasn't in my belly you better believe a bottle or two of wine would have been consumed tonight. Instead I bought a single serve of wine and then felt way to guilty to consume it. My water tastes scrumptious ;-)

Sunday, September 21, 2014

The crying

Oh the crying.

I do believe the sentimental hormones have kicked in full force now. I cannot watch anything heartwarming (or heartbreaking) regarding animals or babies without crying lately. 

I was just watching the 90s movie Fools Rush In and as soon as the baby is born, tears started flowing. I keep thinking about how in just a few short months that will be us meeting bunny. Granted we won't be at the top of the Hoover Dam like in the movie but ya know what I mean. 

Yesterday was 100 days until my due date so that means that today is the first day in double digits for the countdown. I am so excited. I feel like it is so far off but yet right around the corner. I'm still caught in the cycle of wanting it to be bunny day today and never wanting the pregnancy to end. I am loving this way too much (lol - not even possible!)

K came home yesterday and remarked that bunny got bigger for sure this week. I love it. I love seeing my belly get bigger. I wish my face wasn't getting that chunky look to it again but I can deal. No biggie. My boob have gotten larger too. That much I have noticed on my own. I'm honestly wondering how the heck I am going to contain them in a few weeks. I was always larger chested even when thin. When heavier they were big but then again so was I. When I lost the 40 lbs earlier this year they started to get smaller which was nice. I'm now back to filling out all my "fat bras." I need to start figuring out where I am going to buy the "omg" size nursing bras soon. Or I may just have to figure out how to live in sports bras - even with dress shirts, haha.

Friday, September 19, 2014

Dear Bunny 2

I really, really, really love you. With all of my heart, with every breath I take. Carrying you the last 25.5 weeks has been nothing short of a miracle and a blessing. 

After my last letter to you, you listened to my request. At 20 weeks on the dot you decided to say hi with a big old kick. I was sitting at my desk at work around 3pm and there it was - my first hello from you. I had to message one of my close work friends and tell her right away that I thought that was you. I hadn't felt anything like it before. Very butterfly-ish. Slightly alien. 100% awesome. 

Since then you seem to be following in mommy and daddy's footsteps in our night owl tendencies. You're usually quiet when I'm at work (I know - it's boring) and then in the evening it's time for you to play. I apologize if I have a little too much fun poking back at you lately. Now that you've gotten bigger I'm starting to actually see your movements. I love seeing my belly bounce. A week ago today you let your daddy feel one of your kicks for the first time. I wish you could have seen the smile on his face. He loves you so much and I know that he must have felt the same way I did when I first felt you. 

No matter if we are able to give you siblings one day, you complete our family. You are our missing link. We have waited for you for so long. It still hardly feels real. I will tell you this a million and a half times from now until forever but I love you so much and am blessed to be your mommy.

Keep growing inside there my precious little bunny. Keep hop, hop, hopping around all you want. 


Thursday, September 18, 2014

Nothings (boring nothing update)

I had the crib mattress delivered to my front door yesterday. That was a fun little (big) package but it was super light! Here I was pulling into the driveway thinking, "Oh great, how is this pregnant lady going to lift this dang thing?" Turns out we were super smart with our selection as the mattress is incredibly light (we chose the Sealy soybean foam core for the record). Now if only we had any trace of a nursery in the works, lol. ;-) 

It's really been an uneventful week for me. I feel boring. K is in Chicago for work and I'm chilling here on my own. I had all these grand ideas of me deep cleaning and getting ohsomuch done while he was gone. Yeah, no. I have successfully done one load of wash, put away dishes, swept the hallway, and that's about it. Oh well.

There was really no need to write this all done. I'm seriously laughing at how boring this entry is. All I can say is that bunny is still moving and I am so in love with him/her. I never want this pregnancy to end but yet cannot wait to meet bunny.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Relationships through pregnancy

This isn't a venting post by any means. It's actually about a "side effect" of this pregnancy that involves my marriage.

They always say that your engagement period should be the happiest time in your life. Mine wasn't that's for sure. Granted that isn't because of K and me fighting back then, it was because of my mom, lol. However, this "engagement" period definitely is. Maybe it's a re-do being granted to us. K has been hands down the absolute best during this entire process. 

He was a huge motivator, support system, and partner in my weight loss journey. He continued to be that same force for me during the IVF cycle - always going out of his way to do that little extra, always keeping me positive when I was needing it. He has been my rock. When I've been scared and afraid and my nerves are shot, he's been there to calm me down with a hug and a kiss.

So why am I writing this? Because I "swapped custody" of him with his mom for the week. I just got home from meeting his mom down in Milwaukee so he could go back to Chicago for the week for work. I joked that it wasn't mommy and daddy swapping custody - it was wifey swapping with mommy. ;-) Luckily he's a momma's boy in all the right ways. Anyway...I've been without him for a couple hours and I honestly miss him tremendously right now. 

I'm a big girl. I've lived on my own, moved states on my own, etc. I'm my own person. But you know what? I want my best friend here. I'm spoiled compared to many other women out there. He doesn't have to travel for work often and he isn't a service member who gets deployed so I really (really!) don't have a leg to stand on at all...but I miss him. I miss his hand on bunny every chance he gets. He actually felt bunny move for the first time a couple days ago and it was magical. His smile after that happened was incredibly heart warming.

He was super cute today before he left. He made sure to cut the lawn, change a few light bulbs (because "don't you dare get up on a ladder like last time I left for work") and installed a new smoke detector outside our bedroom so that he could sleep easier at night with me and bunny being up here alone this week. How sweet is that?? 

So that's my brag on the husband post. I haven't done it enough lately but I assure you I have been telling him how much I love him and appreciate all he has been doing for our family. I am a lucky girl for sure. (and no...he doesn't read this blog so I'm not sucking up hahaha)

Monday, September 8, 2014

Viability Day

Today is a huge, huge milestone that little Bunny is crossing. Today is Viability Day and in the world of pregnancy that means that today is the day doctors would step in and do what they can in order to save bunny should something go terribly wrong. Of course today would be the day that I'm sitting here at work wondering why I'm not feeling any movement whatsoever today. I'm hoping that bunny is just taking a slumber day because of all the activity we did this weekend, lol.

Speaking of those activities, this weekend was a blast. We went home to Chicago and on Saturday K, my BFF, and our WI bff went to see Garth Brooks on his giant comeback tour. It was fabulous. My BFF and I had gone to see him with my dad way back when we were maybe freshmen in high school or something so we knew we had to go together when he came back.

Our shower invites for our main shower were mailed out by my MIL on Friday and people have already started RSVPing according to her and my mom. I am so excited! They are (with my help for some decor DIY) doing a matching Curious George theme to the shower. I helped them get the invites by going on etsy and purchasing a CG file that was customized for us. It came out so incredibly cute. I can't wait to frame my copy and hang it on bunny's wall, lol.

My dad and stepmom are coming up to visit us this coming weekend and then on Sunday K has to go back down to Chicago for a week for some training class for work. I'm thinking about coming back down the end weekend of his training for a "do whatever at home" weekend. Whenever we come home we have millions of plans and places to be. This way I can bum around and do whatever the heck I feel like doing. We'll see though. I could use the time around the house too. 

Friday, August 29, 2014

Pregnant + Sick = no fun

I ended up getting sick this past week and it's been pretty miserable. I always knew that pregnant women can't really take most meds to help combat but I was hoping that whenever I did end up getting sick, it wouldn't be that bad. I'm on day four of being sick and it's back to just getting all the congestion out. Wednesday was terrible. I spiked a low grade fever and had horrible aches. Ugh! Luckily I am on the mend now. I would venture to say that if I didn't get sick again this pregnancy, I wouldn't complain one bit. Like, at all. ;)

This is week 22 for me! I will even share the picture I took while trying on clothes that I ordered from Kohl's. Sick and all.

I have been searching high and low for a diaper bag that I am in love with and I am falling short. I had it picked out but then I was stupid and didn't buy it during a sale and the Dusty Jade Elizababy Marc Jacobs is long gone. I did just order a Vera Bradley Make a Change Baby Bag today though. They have a 75% off sale going on and I had a birthday month coupon for $20 off of a $50 purchase so I used it and got a good deal. I'm not in love with this bag online because of the placement of the changing mat (thinking about public restrooms) but for $50 I will try it out. It seems roomy enough. 

Hopefully we will be able to wrap up some projects around the house and be able to concentrate on the nursery now. 

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Anatomy Scan: Check!

I'm 21 weeks now! I'm having no cravings, aversions, pains, etc. I am a little bit more weepy though. I completely love all the movements I've been feeling. They are the best reward right now!

Our anatomy scan was this past Monday and I was so happy to get to see the bunny again! We are still very much Team Green. Bunny is measuring in the 70th percentile and everything checked out normal and on track. We are so thankful for that! The little one refused to cooperate with taking his hands away from his face so we weren't able to get super awesome clear shots but that's ok. Bunny did share both feet readily though, hahaha.

We bought a glider/ottoman last night for the nursery! That is our first big furniture purchase for the room. I am part of a local mommy swap group on fb and someone was selling their super high end version for peanuts. I couldn't pass that deal up!

Here are the latest Bunny pics:

 ETA: Oh yeah....I also turned 30 this week. Eeeeeek! hahaha :)

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

20 Weeks - Halfway done!

I have made it to the halfway point! 

Such an exciting week too. I *really* felt bunny move yesterday. It was super strong and...quite odd too. I get why they call it flutters or gas bubbles. It totally felt bubbly. 

Then today we went to our first baby related class: water birthing at our hospital. It was really cool. I really hope that all goes well with the rest of the pregnancy and that I have no complications so I can go down that route for childbirth. They have 13 birthing suites but only one dedicated tub room. To clarify, each suite has a bathtub with jacuzzi but the water tub room has the large, super sized special tub. The tub is first come first served to the woman who gets to active labor (5-7 cm) first. They have the blowup portable tub to use in a second room if for some reason there happens to be more than one woman who wants the birthing tub.

Let's see, what else? I have my anatomy scan coming up this Monday. I can't wait to see bunny again. It's been way to long ;-) 

And since I have no shame, I will share my bump pic from tonight. I should probably retake this when I'm not in a lounge shirt and my pj shorts. Oh well. 

Friday, August 8, 2014

19.5 weeks

And I absolutely adore my bunny bump. I am completely and utterly head over heals in love with this bunny. I am so lucky.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Dear Bunny

Dear Bunny, 

I've never felt so happy as I do right now. Knowing you are growing in my belly right now is the most amazing and gratifying experience in my life. Sometimes I feel bad that your daddy doesn't get to go through this experience in the same way I do. He does love to talk to you and give you kisses on my belly though. Every morning before he leaves he makes sure to tell you to behave for me and he blows you raspberries.

After each appointment with mommy's doctor where I get to hear your little heart beating away, I say a thankful little prayer in the car when I leave. I already love you so much little bunny. You are my world. I would die for you and you aren't even here yet. You've given me an easy pregnancy thus far. I wish I could take advantage of your calm demeanor and chill a bit. Mommy is just so afraid that something could harm you. I promise to work on it. 

Here we are halfway to meeting you. While I wish you were fully baked tomorrow and we could finally meet you, I'm more than happy to have you continue cooking for another 20 weeks. Your Auntie is set on you coming out on her and your grandpa's birthday. That means you can be the 3rd generation born on Christmas Eve. It's up to you for the most part, lol. You are coming out in 2014, that's your first order. Mommy and Daddy are getting that tax refund little one. No matter what day you come into this world, you will be the best present anyone could ever ask for. 

Well my little bunny, have fun in there for now. We love you very much. 


Friday, July 25, 2014

My final progesterone week (?)

I had my bloodwork done today (ok, technically it was yesterday since I'm inexplicably up hours after my bedtime) and it did drop again. It came back at 21 which they still felt comfortable with, even if they did say it was a bit lower than they wanted it to be. Since I have had no bleeding, they felt comfortable with me changing my .5cc shots to every other night for one more week and then stopping...and being done. When they said, "If you want us to check the level next week we can" I jumped at that. I'm not ready to be done. I know they are the experts. I really do know that. 

It just scares the ever loving shit out of me. Nothing on google ever helps someone with anxiety. That's a given. I know I should just enjoy this pregnancy and forget about my worries but I just can't. I know the things that can go wrong. I've seen it happen to way too many of my IF friends. I know I can't control the outcome but I really am trying to be as positive as I can.

One thing that I think will greatly help me is the doppler that should be on its way to my doorstep soon. One of my IF group mates has one that was gifted to her by another group member/friend (it's like our sisterhood of the traveling pants I suppose, lol) and she was going to get it in the mail to me this week hopefully. Being able to hear that heartbeat on the high anxiety days will help me out a lot.

I still think it's crazy that I'm 17.5 wks pregnant right now. I do love everything about this - even the anxiety. I feel so lucky - like a lottery winner. We are both so in love with the bunny already.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

RUSA week 2014

As we do every year, we attended our local 4 day Rock USA music festival. We had two campsites again this year and had anywhere from 6 to 15 people at our site at a time. In addition to having a great lineup, it also happened to be the little BIL's 21st birthday. What a freaking way to celebrate a 21st birthday I tell you. Saying that we had a great time just doesn't even cut it. 

This year was a little different for us in that my MIL and FIL weren't up here (family wedding back in Chicago) and with me pregnant...well, the 5 day bender that normally happens, didn't. Funny thing is, I still feel like I was on one, LOL. Being pregnant at one of these things is hardcore, haha. What saved me (big time) was the fact that we had this crazy summer polar vortex for the first few days of the fest so it wasn't even 80* out. If it had been like last year and 90*+, my ass would have done day one and said, "Yeah, have a good time guys, I'm out." Every night I went home to sleep in my own bed and take care of Wrigley so at least the small amount of sleep I did get, it was quiet sleep. Once we got the camper back to the house today and most of the guests had hit the road, we grabbed lunch and then all took 5 hour naps!

I did have my normal progesterone monitoring on Thursday and it did drop slightly to 27. They were comfortable dropping me down to .5cc for my nightly PIO dosage. 

I am beginning to think I am feeling bunny moving now. It's not constant but every now and then I feel those little gas bubble-like feelings and twinges. I could be wrong but we shall see. Time really is passing by quickly I tell ya. Before we know it, bunny will be here. Of course that means that winter is here so...bunny even though I am dying to meet you, I'm not ready for summer to be on the downswing :-)

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Other happenings - Crafts

It's been a while since I mentioned any crafts around these parts. 

I'm currently in a major craft phase. So much so that I took a chance with a co-worker and brought up the idea of her and I renting a stall at our local farmer's market on August 2nd. She was interested so we signed ourselves up! Eek!! 

Now I'm scrambling to get some crocheted items underway along with some sewing projects and crafted items completed. That also includes ribbon wreaths - something that is still a popular blog hit for me years after I posted the original. Here is the wreath I finished:

Remember this one I made all those years ago?
Here it is 5+ years later, a little faded in places but it has held up very well:
I have my business cards in hand already and I am working on my table display in my head. I'm not really looking to be an overwhelming success right from the get-go but I'm really looking forward to the experience and testing. I'll keep posting some of my projects and items as I get them completed and you know I will be blogging about the actual event. I'm excited!

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Progesterone check #1000

Well, it feels like it at least. More like 16 but who's counting?

My number today was 31. I felt a teeny tiny amount of relief wash over me when I heard that.

I am supposed to decrease my PIO to .8cc again. I was a smartass on the phone and said, "So then next week it will crash again and we will go back up, huh?" The nurse wasn't amused. Oh well.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

PIO rollercoaster

Last Thursday I went for my progesterone check and it had plummeted. I went from 46 the prior week to 19. In that week we had decreased my dosage from 1.2 to .8cc. So back up to 1.0cc we went. Of course this has me nothing but a nervous wreck. I know that many people have had lower progesterone levels than I have. I know that people will continue to reassure me that it will all be ok. But I'm scared and nervous and I wish I could see the bunny. I don't get to go back in until Monday to hear the heartbeat again and that feels like an eternity to me. I just want everything to be ok. I am not good with uncertainty. Like, at all.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Team Green Annoyance

No, I'm not annoyed at myself for being Team Green. I'm annoyed at everyone else who makes a comment to me about it other than, "That's awesome!" This is most definitely a vent post, lol. And it's not directed at anyone in particular in our lives, promise :)

Everyone and their mother decides to find out nowadays. And that's fine for them. It's just not what I want. I want that moment after birth. I want DH to be able to go out into the waiting room and announce it to whatever family members are sitting there. I was so close to caving for K at the NT scan. I even posted it on one of my fb groups. It wasn't that I had any desire to find out but up until that point, he really wanted to know. I thought, "you know, he's been so completely wonderful during this pregnancy that maybe it would be a nice gift to him." Luckily the bunny wasn't cooperative. Turns out K has been getting annoyed at everyone's TG comments and now he told me that the more people ask and make comments, the more he doesn't want to find out. Score one for me!

I think that part of my annoyance is the way the comments are delivered. Sort of mommy wars like. "Omg, I could never wait. I am SUCH a planner and I have to be able to plan everything." I HATE the planner comment. I am a planner. A huge one. I do it for a living. But this isn't about planning. It's about control. People need to feel in control of this huge life changing event. And that is completely fine. But call a spade a spade would ya? 

Then there are the ones who have told me that I'm making it so difficult to buy a gift for because they need to know the sex of the baby. Um, no you don't. This does not effect your life in one bit. Either wait until the baby is born, pick a different gift, or just don't buy one for us. It's that simple. Other than clothes, everything else is easy to buy for, especially since there will be a registry. And I'm not picky nor do I expect gifts. Stop acting like my decisions about my pregnancy and my child make your life so inconvenient.

And for the record, even if this is a girl....she will not be bathed in all things pink. Nope. Not going to happen. I hated pink growing up and I hated that as a girl people except lace and pearls and pink. I was a tomboy who loved hockey and softball and jeans and the color green. And she will also NOT be wearing flowers bigger than her face on her head. Just no, no offense to giant flower lovers ;-)

Ok, hormonal, raging pregnant woman vent over. Happy July all!

Monday, June 23, 2014

NT Scan complete

And we got these cute little pics of bunny. 

This little one was so freaking adorable during the scan. Bunny loves his feet and kicking - especially towards the pressure from the wand. At one point Bunny turned over and wiggled his butt at us, haha. I think that it has my nose and my lips, judging from the pouting you can see in the close up shot. 

I didn't ask for exact measurements but my doctor said that everything on the scan looked good and that he expected the blood work to come back fine as well. I can expect those results in a week or so.

I'm just so in love with this little one. It's amazing how much love one can have for someone not even here yet - especially one you weren't sure you'd ever get to meet.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Week 12 Wrap-up

I ended up moving my OB appt from Wednesday to Friday afternoon because K would be able to come with me and hear the heartbeat plus talk about the NT scan. I wasn't planning on doing it but, as I told my doctor, I am not going to make it to week 20 without another u/s. After checking with my insurance coverage and finding out it would be mostly covered, I thought, "ok fine, why not." lol. So that will be tomorrow afternoon. I'm looking forward to getting a nice long look at bunny.

This past Thursday's progesterone check came back at 46 so we've decreased my PIO down to 1.2 cc. My nurse estimated that I'd be on PIO for another 3-4 weeks. My ass will be very happy when that day comes that's for sure. 

I had a little brush with local fame on Thursday as well. I had a reporter contact K and me about a week ago and she was looking to do a story about couples doing IVF, the costs associated with it, and fundraising. She had actually found us through our Go Fund Me site. I met with her on Thursday at work and then the story ran that evening. The full story had a little bit of a slant I didn't appreciate and that was that we raised all our money through GFM. Um no. While we did raise $770, $3000 came from my ILs, my mom, and my grandma and then the other almost $20,000 was all our savings. So yeah. But by the second run, they had changed it to "savings plus fundraising." Much better.

Other than that it's been a normal week :)

This pregnancy is trucking right along. I really don't have anything to complain about. I know I'm one of the lucky ones in that department. Maybe it's just the pregnancy Gods shining down on me and taking pity on the long road to even get here, hahahaha. Whatever it is, I'm grateful. If the only thing I'm dealing with is being tired often, I'll gladly take it.

Monday, June 16, 2014

Wedding season is done for me

Both my sister's weddings are now over. 

Can I get an AMEN! ;-)

This weekend was a busy one with the last of my step-siblings getting married plus it being Father's Day weekend. We went down to Chicago on Thursday afternoon in time for the rehearsal (I did a reading) and we finally got to my in-laws at about 8 pm. Friday morning my SIL and I went to get our nails done, I got my hair done, and then it was time to head to the wedding. I'm a little bit put off by the way my dad wasn't included in many of the "little" details of the wedding but it's not worth starting yet another world war fight in the family over it. 
Pics from this wedding:


Saturday we went to a BBQ Fest at Six Corners in the city and I got to have some Amarillo BBQ! I saw the stand and was in heaven. I'm so sad that Amarillo doesn't look to be in the cards for us this year (ok, with good reason, lol) so it was a little taste of grandma's in a sense.

Saturday night I headed over to my great-aunt's house to have a little family get together. My great-uncle and his daughter were in from Oregon and I hadn't seen them in years so that was nice. Seeing my grandma is always the highlight though :) 

Sunday we went out to the burbs and we actually started our registry. It's more for our purposes at this point though. The one out by my mom's is 3x the size and much more selection so we put some of the bigger things on there that we couldn't see in person at ours. Yeah, we could have done it online but we didn't want to not see it in person before picking it out. We also seem to have picked out our nursery furniture (other than the glider). K actually saw it first and really liked the way it looked. Our house is very beachy/nautical so it fits the look of the house - even if the nursery will be done in Curious George. This is the crib:
Speaking of Curious George...I found that bedding! As luck would have it, about two weeks ago someone posted it on CL and they lived in the burb next to my mom's! We picked it up on Sunday and it is still in very good condition with no stains. They only had the quilt and the fitted sheet but that's totally fine with me. Now I am going to order the window valances that match the sheet. I found a seller on etsy who must have had the flat sheet and she made them into the valances. She also can make a small CG lampshade so that will work out perfect. 

After BRU, we went to lunch with my dad and stepmom. I have to say, it's really nice feeling like we're finally over the rough parts we've had in the last five years. I feel like he's back to being my dad again :-)

In other baby news, I had my progesterone come back at 41 last Thursday so we dropped down to 1.6cc. I don't want to jinx it but I think we might be heading for the home stretch in the shots in the ass department! Woo hoo! I'm 12 weeks this week so 2nd tri is just around the corner!! I have an ob appt this Wednesday but I'm going to call over there and see if I can possibly switch it to Friday and see if they will do an u/s as well. I am dying to have it done. If I can get in on Friday afternoon, K will be off work so he can come too.

Sunday, June 8, 2014

House Shrunk

That's what I feel like right now. 

Like our damn house shrunk. 

And we don't even have any baby gear in here yet. 

It's eye-rolling for sure to think, "Oh my house is way too small." But that's exactly what we keep finding ourselves saying right now. We are far from minimalists and that doesn't help the situation. We're not complete pack rats either...but we are well on our way to that title. I think the biggest problems are we have hobbies that take up space: crafts for me and guitars/sports/toys for K. Not to mention the fact that our house is a revolving door for guests using our place as a vacation home. Don't get me wrong - we love having them here and we love having them often. It just means that we are not a household that can eliminate a guest room. That's not possible and isn't going to happen. As it is, we could easily use 2 guest rooms and still have a need to put people on couches and air mattresses. 

Today we went and looked at some open houses again. Last weekend we looked at a few and absolutely fell in love with one. We were 3 seconds away from saying, our house is officially on the market. Then we looked at the house's taxes. Pshaw, riiiiight. No way dude. There was no reason for the taxes to be that high either. None whatsoever. Ugh, that balloon popped real damn quick. 

Today we found one contender. I'm laughing in my head because guess what?? It's another foreclosure. 
::: Big sigh:::

Am I willing to do it all over again? For the right price, absolutely. It was *almost* a move in ready home too except the carpets need to go throughout the entire house (not a cheap fix) because of some cat pee smell. Other than that, it was mostly in good shape. It would give us one more bedroom than we have now and we would only downsize the garages from a 4 car (2 attached/2 detached) to a 3 car attached. It was in a better school district and newer than our house. My task now is to look up the property records and see what the bank's foreclosed amount was - because I'm not paying the listing price even if it was reasonable. 

I do think we have a couple more years up here in WI at the very least so we will have to be happy with where we are living. We do love our house and our location now but there are negatives adding up. During the winter, the snowmobiles come across the lake to go to our neighborhood bar (in our backyard) and they tear up our land and our neighbor's land. We both have repeatedly asked them to stay to one side of our property that we grant them access too. 

This past winter was ridiculous with how assholish they were. One Sunday night three guys were doing circles all the way up to our back deck and I was standing outside in my pjs yelling at them without them listening. It was 11 pm, K was already sleeping, and I got my ass in the car and drove over there in my hot pink snowmen jammers. In I marched and yelled at them. They were all, "I wasn't in a backyard, I was in a field." Um no dumbass, that acre and a half is my effing backyard and if I walk the tracks you left right now, you'd be on top of my deck. Another time the neighbor and I were chatting and a pack flew through the yards. They had already ran over two of his newly planted grove trees that winter and we started yelling at the pack. One guy had the balls to yell back to me, "You yell at us every year. You shouldn't live there." K had to hold me back, lol. Luckily the neighbor let that guy have it. Obviously if we have to yell at you every year, you're not following our rules for land access. 

We've had the DNR come out and they'll issue tickets if we want but the problem is then we wonder about any retaliation. The bar owner is a friend of ours and we enjoy peace and quiet from the bar spring-fall but winter sucks because of the snowmobilers. He yells at them and he also goes out onto the lake and marks the route that is DNR trail approved to the bar but people love taking the shortcuts because the old neighbors across from us lived there for years and allowed it. Because they come so close to our house and the side of the house that the nursery is on, we are very leary of the next winter. Neighbor is down for a snow fence (think those ugly bright orange plastic-y fences) along the front of both of our properties. Idk. I'm not sure what I want to do. I just know that with the bunny due in December and us being sleep deprived in the winter with a very newborn - I will be damned if those assholes come buzzing past our bedroom windows at 2 am (normal behavior for them) and wake us all up. Believe you me, heads will roll.

So does this mean we're moving? I still doubt it. LOL. Just getting it all out there. Sort of pros and cons and am I completely and absolutely nuts for thinking about this.

So does this mean we're moving? I still doubt it.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Heartbeats (and anxiety)

Yesterday was such an amazing day. At my first OB appointment I got to hear the bunny's heartbeat for the first time! What a truly beautiful sound. I cried.  I didn't want him to stop letting me listen. Of course now I want to go out and buy one of my own dopplers, haha.

I had been having major anxiety the last 48 hrs leading up to the appointment. The lack of symptoms I was having plus the long three week wait did not bode well for my nerves. Luckily my doctor is understanding of the reasoning behind the anxiety. He has been my ob/gyn through most of my infertility struggles. Because of this, he is not going to make me go to once a month appointments. I get to go in every two weeks and at least hear the heartbeat. I could have kissed him. 

Today I had a progesterone level check and I plummeted. It went down to 27, which is the lowest it's been since the ER. Because of that, I have to bring the PIO back up to 1.9 and recheck in one week. I know 27 is still an acceptable number but I still hate that it's so up and down. I wonder if the big rise last week (low 40s to 63) was maybe a reading error. Who knows. The good thing is that at yesterday's appointment, my dr mentioned that in a normal spontaneous pregnancy, being in the 20s is perfectly fine. That is very reassuring - even if I would much rather be way above that acceptable amount. 

So here I am at 10 weeks, still amazed that this is happening. I'm trying to manage my anxiety as best I can. K gets annoyed with me when it starts to go sky high. I can't help it. I would normally have a couple glasses of wine (ok, maybe a bottle) to calm nerves if needed before, lol. Can't do that now! :)

In other updates, it looks as though my IL shower date has been set. I will be 30 wks and we figured that would be best for traveling. We're also trying to plan a short trip as a babymoon/birthday trip. I really just want to lay on a beach somewhere. I just don't want to break the budget for it.

Sunday, June 1, 2014

Random Sunday musings

Anyone who knows me knows what a huge, huge Chicago Blackhawks fan I am. 

They just lost in OT in Game 7 of the Western Conference Finals and I want to puke. At least I'm not sick from morning sickness. Upside, lol?

I forgot to do a level check update on here this past Thursday. I only need the progesterone checks now and it came back at 62 so that was great! I got to drop the Crinone!! Woo hoo - no more cooch cream as I've lovingly referred to it as (to everyone, even my dad. I have no filter - or shame apparently). I also got to decrease my PIO to 1.8. My goodness I can't wait to be off of that shit. My ass is so lumpy (ok more than what it was normally, haha) and painful to the touch most days. Wednesday night's shot was the worst one to date. It was excruciating from the moment the needle hit the cheek to the second it came out. And on top of that, I shot blood everywhere. Horror movie, Hollywood production caliber all over K and the floor. It goes without saying that I'll stay on this crap my entire pregnancy if needed - but man - I really better not need to. I'm about at the breaking point with it, lol. 

This weekend we had my MIL, FIL, and BIL up for my MIL's birthday. The boys went to a motorcycle race most of the day on Saturday so that left MIL and I to go looking at some baby stores. We went to the two local (well, ok still 30 miles away but that's the only places available) stores that sell cribs and took a look at what they have. As much as I want to spend $500+ on an American made, solid beechwood, certified greenguard crib, I just don't know that I can get the practical side of me to do it. K looked at me like I was nuts for the most part. 

Of course this led to me then questioning what I even envision the nursery looking like. My whole geography/map look has never been K's top choice. And I don't want to know the sex of the baby so that makes it a tad harder for me to choose a gender neutral look. I wanted mint walls. So I bought 6 samples of mint paint on Saturday and MIL and I put them up on one of the nursery walls. I liked a total of zero. Sad face. Now I've moved on to doing something I didn't plan on- a true character theme in Curious George. K and I love CG. As in we dvr the PBS cartoons and watch them ourselves. We're weird, we're ok with it ;-) Pottery Barn had a nursery bedding set a few years ago that I absolutely love. Naturally it was discontinued a long, long time ago. You'd think I could find it on ebay or something. Nope. No dice. And naturally it was out during my long break so I wasn't thinking about anything baby back then or I imagine I would have bought it just to have back then. Sigh. I will figure it out even if I have to piece it together here and there. I don't want something over the top, just tastefully decorated with George things. Well, I want that for today at least. Ask me again in a week if I'm still doing this, lol.

The other thing we did on Saturday was have a new queen mattress set delivered for the guest room (soon to be nursery). In the room prior was a full sized set. The queen absolutely dwarfs the room, lol. Obnoxiously so. It's only temporary as it will move into my craft room. The new bed opened up a whole new floodgate for K and me. Our bedrooms are solidly on the small size. We ended up going to look at some open houses today with MIL. Smh. We found basically our dream "family home." We can afford it provided I continue working after the baby comes. So now we're sitting here weighing our options on what the heck we should be doing. We are nuts. Although I'm betting we just stay, it's very tempting to look at bigger houses.

I hate to admit how much I was starting to get used to the idea of me going part-time (at the very least) and being able to stay home. I always assumed I would work. After starting to look into daycare prices, for some reason they think up here is equivalent to Chicago suburb daycare prices. Ok, maybe not quite that much, but for a L-MCOL area, full time monthly rates will eat up more than half my monthly take home pay. In the end we will be "tight" no matter what we do: work full time/pay full time rates or not work (or part time)/no daycare (or part time daycare). I know this is hardly a new problem in today's world. I'm on the lucky end that even contemplating this is a huge good fortune. For that I am grateful to no end.

I have my OB appointment on Wednesday and I am getting so incredibly restless waiting for it. This past Tuesday I had my pregnancy education meeting and when I asked about ultrasounds, she replied, "Well, once you've established a viable pregnancy, you most likely wouldn't require another until 20 weeks." I told her, "Um yeah, that is not going to fly with me. I don't care if insurance doesn't pay for it, I promise you I will have a few before then." She took some more information and then I think the fact that I'm an IF patient took hold and so she assured me that they would do their best to calm my fears with this pregnancy. She told me that she'll make sure we do a bedside u/s this week so I'm greatly looking forward to it. I hope that this time I get to actually hear the heartbeat in addition to seeing it. 

Because this pregnancy has been fairly uneventful (knock on wood), I still have a lot of moments that I question if I even am pregnant or not. I'm generally tired most evenings - sometimes in bed before 7 pm - but overall, some mild nausea and moodiness but that's about it. I haven't thrown up in weeks. No heartburn in weeks either. I'm happy to have a nice easy time so far but some nights I tell K that I really do sometimes wish to feel absolutely sick so I know I'm still pregnant. Hysterically stupid I know ;-) I did that on Friday night and ended up sick to my stomach an hour later laying in bed, lol. I said a huge thank you prayer right before I fell asleep!! :-) 

Naturally everyone is guessing boy for me because "they" say little boys are easier on mom. I laugh and say, yeah let me go get the old wives tale book and we'll test them all out. The only reason why I'm rooting for a girl? I know the name and am completely in love with it. As for boys names? I'm in love with nothing. There's a couple we like but nothing jumps out at us. Not to offend anyone but we are not fans of trendy names, "soft" boy's names, or any of the Aiden, Jaden, Caden, Brayden types. I was actually nice there. We in fact hate them, lol. Not our style in the least. We also completely hate misspelled names. I absolutely hate having to correct my name and my spelling of my first name is both common and the accepted alternate form. Different strokes for different folks obviously. 

Well, I think I've typed out my sadness over my NHL season coming to an end. I'll try to make sure to post on Wednesday evening with an update on how my 10week appointment went. I apologize for the rambling and for any grammar/clarity issues as I'm not even bothering to proof tonight, tisk tisk.

Have a great week everyone!