Thursday, May 22, 2014

Level check

Today's level check:
Progesterone - 37
Estrodial - 470
I get to decrease ever so slightly on the PIO to 1.9cc and stay on the Crinone as well. Re-check levels in one week. 

I'm so excited to have a nice relaxing long weekend starting tomorrow. Memorial Day Weekend in my town is awesome. It goes very Andy of Mayberry and the townwide patriotic decor comes out in full force. Our flags and bunting comes out of storage and stays for the entire summer. In addition to the normal parade, memorial service, and decor they have a craft fair, a car show and on Saturday is the town wide garage sale event. My mom comes up every year and it's always a fun time. This year I can actually buy baby things - and for cheap! Even better, lol. 

I am not a garage sale snob. I work with some people that turn their nose up to garage sales and Goodwill and hand-me-downs. Not this girl! Goodwill might be my favorite store. My mom's Chicago area ones suck but the ones up here are clean, organized, and well stocked. It's half of her fun when she's here, lol. We can't stomach paying full price for a lot of things. Then we can splurge on purses and shoes. It's a win-win. 

Along similar lines, I've found that there is an added benefit to me losing that weight prior to IVF. I have at least 5-7 shirts that became too big/loose in the stomach area to wear anymore. They are mostly empire waist types of shirts. Well now I won't even have to buy any maternity shirts for a little while! Bonus! A couple of them I loved so I'm happy I can get some wear out of them. After baby they have to go bye bye again though. The weird thing is I'm not really concerned with losing the weight I will inevitably gain with this pregnancy. I think it might be because in my head I know how to do it and I know I have done it. Plus I enjoyed running so I can get right back in step with those goals for the second half of 2015 into 2016. 

I didn't write much about the wedding weekend because other than the u/s and bridal shower and seeing family, I don't have a ton of nice things to say. I loved seeing all of our out of town family members and the ones we have trouble getting to see when we're home. From the time I got up on Friday, MIL and I were running around doing all sorts of last minute details for SIL. Then when we got to the venue we were going non-stop. SIL didn't have a clue half the time of what needed to be done or she was busy taking pictures (understandable) and her coordinator flaked out on being there. The venue "supplied" the coordinator but that location is going into foreclosure as of June so there was a ton of give a crap missing. So I ran around finishing up everything for SIL while the other girls sat around and did nothing. The bride and groom got stupid drunk and never made it around to all the tables. It was actually embarrassing at times. I won't even write some of the things she was telling others - including the staff. Klassy with a capital K. Then I found out that SIL and the co-moh that I can't stand had been talking about me and my weight. That ruined my Saturday. I bawled. I'm doing better now so I don't feel like dwelling on it but I'm still hurt by her actions. This was the girl who did almost all my runs with me and who was always sending encouragement. SMH. I'm just putting some distance between us for a while. She knows I'm mad at her and she knows that two friends were talking behind my back about my weight but she hasn't put it together that I know it was her doing it. 

The bridal shower was actually much better than I hoped it would be. I wasn't dreading it or anything like that but I wasn't sure if I would feel like an outsider (stemming from my upset on Saturday) or if I would have anyone to really talk to. Turns out people were friendly and it was very pleasant. Step-sis enjoyed her gift and I had fun. I had stayed out at my dad's house the night before and it was nice to have some time with both him and my step-mom while relaxing. It does seem like we've all mended fences as best we can and have moved past our differences. We might not have solved them but at least we've worked around them and have come back to a good place. I am thankful to have that. He and my step-mom are very excited about this baby and that helps a ton. My dad is actually kind of cute with his concern. When I talk to him he'll right away ask, "Everything's ok right? How are you doing?" I'll reply, "Things are going good. I'm tired at night and sometimes nauseous." "But...everything's ok right?? You're feeling good??" "Yes, Dad. Doing good." :) 

So that's my update for today. If I don't get a chance to blog before the end of the weekend, have a very safe and happy Memorial Day Weekend.

Monday, May 19, 2014

1st Ultrasound!

We finally got to the 15th and got to see the bunny! That's right "the" bunny. Not twins but a single little heartbeat and a baby growing on track. The ultrasound measurements put me at 7w1d when I was 7w2d but he wasn't concerned as long as it stays within 6 days he said it's fine. Plus there is an element of error with those things so I'm not concerned. 

My progesterone had dropped back down to 33 so I am not going to be weaned off of the PIO or crinone quite yet. Estrodial dropped into the 400s but I was able to wean off of the Estrace as of last night! Yay - one less drug to take woo hoo! 

The rest of the weekend was beyond crazy with the wedding and shower and family visiting. Plus a rock hit my windshield on the way back into the city from the shower and cracked it pretty good. I ended up staying home today to have it repaired and to just relax. I needed the R&R time. 

Thursday I go in for progesterone/estrodial checks. Next Tuesday I have my first meeting at the hospital where I will delivery with the "pregnancy educator." June 4th will be my next check up with my ob. Yay! It was funny making the appointments. The receptionist asked, "What was the date of your last period?" I said, "That doesn't matter in my case, haha. I did in-vitro, IVF. ER was 4/8 and the transfer was 4/13." Her, "Is that I..V..S as in Sam or F as in Frank?" Doh, lol. At least my ob-gym knows I did IVF so it won't be confusing for him, lol.

I can't believe I'm about to hit 8 weeks! We did end up telling some family this past weekend. We figured that since my mom already let the cat out of the bag and we saw the heartbeat, we're feeling a lot better about it. I think that we'll be going fb official sooner rather than later since we've already been telling people. I know how I want to do it too. I found the idea on Pinterest (who doesn't nowadays??) and since baseball and softball is how we met in college, it's fitting.

Monday, May 12, 2014

My mom proves me right

Remember how in yesterday's post I said that my mom and I have a complicated relationship (ok, I'm paraphrasing)? Well last night she proved me right. 

I called my grandma (her mom) to wish her a Happy Mother's Day and she informed me that my mother decided to take it upon herself to announce in church, my family church - the one I was baptized, confirmed, married in and plan to have this bunny baptized in as well - that I am pregnant. 

I wish I were kidding. I am so upset and angry for many reasons. The biggest two are the fact that this is MY news to share and the second is that it's still so early and I haven't even had my ultrasound yet. 

I know that she probably thought there was no harm in it because "it's church people and they can pray for you no matter what" or something along those lines. I know she was probably so incredibly caught up in the fact that it was Mother's Day and she wanted to share her daughter's news's still unacceptable. I would have liked to have either made the announcement myself or have been present to receive the well wishes. 

So of course I sent her an email this morning and it was on the harsh side. I wasn't mean, just extremely clear that I was upset and firm in my stance. 

Immediately after sending it I felt terrible. Of course I love my mom. And I get that she meant no harm. So then of course I felt terrible that I might have now hurt her feelings. So I sent her another email apologizing for the harshness of my last email but letting her know that I understood her excitement probably got the best of her and that I loved her and that I just want her to respect my wishes. 

I still haven't heard a word from her. 

I feel bad, really bad. 

I hate this.

ETA: So her and I have had quite a few back and forth emails now. When I didn't hear back from her right away I just knew that it wasn't going to be a good response when I did hear from her. It went downhill for a little while with telling me she was crying and that it was my fault because I had told two people at church last week (true but one is my gram's best friend who is well aware of our IF and the other was my confirmation teacher who is dealing with her husband in hospice and was in need of a pick me up) and that people would be talking, etc. 

She is very good about playing a bit of the victim and in the end I know I really only ended up feeling like I hurt her and that I had to spend plenty of time picking her back up. There's so much more that I could say about it but in the end, it's always the same old story. I love her dearly but sometimes she exhausts me. I shouldn't have been so harsh with her right off the bat. I could have taken a different, less direct approach with her and I could have avoided the hurt feelings. I'm an idiot for not doing so. Oh well, what's done is done and she seems to be ok again. Fingers crossed I don't have to deal with situations like this with her again (or maybe just fingers crossed I remember to put on my child gloves when it does happen...). 

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Happy Mother's Day

This day has historically been a "bipolar" day for me. Last year my mom and I went to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico for 4 days over MD. It was a wonderful trip and a wonderful way to spend time together. In years past I have been hit by those moments of sadness when reading fb or when at church and all the mother's are being recognized. However, I have always tried to remember that even though I wasn't a mom to anyone other than some furry little ones, I still was/am able to celebrate the women who have helped to shape my life. 

My two grandmother's are still here with me and they are potentially the most important and influential people in my world (ok, K counts too). They helped raise me and gave me the stability I was lacking when my parents divorced. They gave me my love of travel, maps, geography, murder mystery shows, soap operas (ok, only one did this one), built me a custom made Barbie house (still amazing all these years later), encouraged my love of reading, and loved me no matter what. I am and always will be a "Grandma's Girl" to both of them. 

Of course I also have my mom, my mother-in-law, and my step-mom in my life as well. All have helped to shape and support me in one way or another. My step-mom and I were very close during my engagement. Actually, during my engagement on that Mother's Day, I got into a huge fight with my mom at my grandma's house. I think I called my mom a bitch that day. Not my proudest moment but it just goes to show how up and down the day always has been. The good news is that after I moved away, my mom and I settled into a much more stable and loving relationship. Not that we didn't love and care for each other before, it's just that as I moved away, the bs just became less important. Now we have fun together whenever possible. We just appreciate each other more and we let the good times roll.

My mother-in-law has always seemed like a second mother to me. From the day K and I started dating, 11 years ago this month, she has been there for me. I honestly don't know what I would do without her. I call her mom and I wish we still lived closer just so I could see her whenever I want :) 

And then there are the many women, who like me, have battled infertility. Many of my close friends are still fighting this war. My heart breaks for them on the hard days like today. I will always be an IFer. I'm sitting here receiving texts from my fellow IFers (both graduates and non) wishing me a Happy 1st or Happy Mother-to-Be Day and it just feels surreal. God willing, I will have a baby or two a year from now when this day rolls around again. My wish is for all women to be able to celebrate this day if that is what the are hoping for. My heart is with them today.

To all the "Mother's" in my life, I hope you all have a wonderful and relaxing day. 

Friday, May 9, 2014

Beta #4

I finally got the official call (a day late again) and everything looks good. I had once again asked my local nurse to cheat and look up the results for me yesterday (again, thankfully) and so I knew that the numbers themselves were good. Then this morning AFC called me at like 7:45 asking if I had been spotting bc my doctor likes to make sure I'm not before he lowers or weans dosages. I haven't had any spotting (TG!) and told her that. When my normal nurse called me a few minutes ago, she said that I was to stay at the same dosages. Boo! I was hoping to drop the Crinone and Estrace. Looks like I'll be having to place another order next week. 

Oh and side note: I'm back to not sure if insurance is going to pick up any of the Crinone tab. It's been a cluster of insurance this week. I ended up leaving work early on Tuesday because I had so many phone calls to make and was scrambling to get PIO ordered and to me by Wednesday. Turns out there is a PIO shortage so I had to switch to the olive oil vs sesame oil version. For the record, the olive oil one smells terrible. K almost yacked when he was rubbing it in. Awesome.

Yesterday was my first day of having nausea pretty much all day. It wasn't horrible, more of a mild case. I went to Walgreens on lunch and bought some sour patch kids, lol. They do actually seem to work. A friend also suggested jolly ranchers. I'll have to try those out too. I would rather have a candy that I can suck on for a longer period vs chowing down on a million pieces.

My MIL sent me my first mother's day gift. She is so sweet and I'm so lucky to have her as another mom to me. She had a wonderful mother-to-be card and then tucked in a pair of super soft (and adorable) baby socks and a onesie that says "I love Grandma." I'm so happy that she will get to spoil our bunny(ies). 

Eta: wow - what happened with that formatting?? I think I fixed it...

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Aches and pains

Ok, I know that there are going to be a million and five times over the course of the next 8 months where I'm wondering if what I'm feeling is normal. Today is one of those days. 

I've had this ache in what seems to be my left ovary area all day long. It's never the sharp take my breath away type pains I get when I stand up too fast or when I roll over suddenly. It's more like strong, semi-uncomfortable ovulation pains. I ended up calling AFC to ask if they thought I should add an u/s to my bloodwork tomorrow and the nurse didn't think I needed to unless it got worse or continued into the morning. ETA: She also wasn't as concerned because I have had zero spotting, thank goodness.

She just advised me that I should take it easy when I get home from work tonight - put my feet up and rest. Googling found a bunch of similar questions from people and it seems like the most common answers were: from sex the night before, it's from the cyst left behind when ovulation happened, and ectopic pregnancies. It didn't really dawn on me that even though K and I didn't do the deed last night, there was some hanky I guess that could be part of the issue. Plus my ovaries were so enlarged from the IVF and I am a very cyst-y PCOSer so it all can really be excused away. Idk. I have no idea how IVF plays into the "pains" felt in early pregnancy.

Gah, I'm sort of rambling here. I hate not knowing what is going on. I crave info and I crave it now. I'm glad I will have more bloodwork tomorrow morning for a little bit of reassurance but next Thursday cannot come fast enough!!

Monday, May 5, 2014

6 weeks

Well that was a fun weekend at home. My Blackhawks are up 2 games to none against the Wild so that automatically makes me happy. I got to see a lot of my family this weekend too. You can't beat that!

On Saturday we started the day at one of the larger BRU stores near my mom's house. Holy crap it was so much better/bigger than our combo BRU. I will for sure be registering down there and online vs up here. We spent a good hour and a half in there looking at everything. I have been so set on doing a map/geography nursery but I stumbled upon this little bear/duck bedding from Koala Baby that now I'm completely torn. For some reason this cute little bear melts my heart. Gah!! ;-)

After BRU we met my dad and step-mom for lunch in the area. I asked them if they wanted to tag along with us to the next couple of places we were going to scope out and they said sure. Up next was Buy, Buy, Baby - which I didn't know until I walked in there that they are owned by the same company as Bed, Bath & Beyond. And apparently you can use the 20% off coupons in there too. They had a much better selection of strollers compared to BRU but we still have no idea what we want. I'm due in the winter and I live in WI...I won't get a heck of a lot of use out of the stroller those first few months. Oh well. 

Next up was a local store that got rave reviews in Baby Bargains for their furniture selection. I so far still really like the Lucca crib from Pali (but in slate not white)
I obviously can't decide on a crib until I know if there are one or two bunnies coming but I like how this crib doesn't have only one way to be pushed up against a wall. I am also not a huge convertible crib fan. One, if this is a singleton, we'll do a FET and if that takes, we still have to buy another crib. Two, space is an issue if we stay in our house. A full size bed would take up most of the space in a kid's room. I know because the (singleton) room/current guest bedroom has a full in there now. A twin bed would be much better for room to grow.

And I know I have I'm not ordering anything in the immediate future. I'm hoping that when the time comes, I will at least have an idea as to what I want.

I'm just getting so anxious to get to the u/s. I want to know already. I'm pretty sure that after that weekend I am going to tell my boss. I haven't decided if I will tell my whole group or not. I might just start parking in the expectant mother parking spot and see who notices. I'm sure one of them will notice right away.

As far as symptoms go, I am really doing pretty good over here. I do get a bit more tired at night but other than that, I haven't had any symptoms. On one hand I'm happy that I'm not already hugging the toilet. On the other, I do wish I had something to make me "feel" pregnant, lol. I will be kicking myself for saying that soon but it's ok ;-)

Friday, May 2, 2014

Beta #3 - 18dp5dt

Yesterday was beta #3. I didn't really get nervous about it until after the blood was drawn, lol. 

I once again called my local nurse and had her "cheat" and look up my results so I wouldn't have to wait all day for AFC to call. Which, as I'll explain in a sec, was a good idea.

Beta was at 2410. Progesterone was at 31 and estrogen was at 525. Yay!!

So I waited around for AFC to call and they never did. It was 4:30 by the time I got to try to call them and left a message on the general voicemail. Then I tried the on-call system - the one that says for important medication inforomation - because I was out of my Crinone and needed to know if I would be staying on it or if I could stop. I didn't want to spend all that money (holy balls is that crap $$$) if I didn't need it. So the on-call nurse called me back but before I could even ask my question she says, "I'm at home and can't log into our system so I won't be able to tell you any type of medication information unless it is a general question." Great. That's helpful. So I got home and just ended up ordering the Crinone.

This morning I got a call from my normal nurse saying that beta looked fine but since my progesteone dropped again the dr might want to adjust my dosages again and that they hadn't gotten my estrogen report until later yesterday so that's why I didn't get a call...except my local nurse gave me that result at noon so.... I didn't say anything and just let it go. She said she'd call me again later today with the full update. I'm just going to update the bottom of this post rather than edit and change all the verb tenses I have going on already, lol.

I'm heading home tonight and I'm excited to have a full day of shopping around for baby. I don't plan on buying anything but at least we will have a better idea of what we want for a nursery and how much it will cost us. I should probably just go with the IKEA grey crib since this PIO/Estrace/Crinone regiment is going to bleed me dry soon ;-)

Ok, now I have talked with AFC and I can decrease my Estrace to 1x a day (evening), stay at 1x a day (evening) of Crinone, and then increase PIO to 2.0cc. Not bad. I can handle this :) 

Oh...and I also looked into something I should have thought about before. It's hard to stop thinking like an infertile. Through my insurance prescription card I can get a 90 day supply of Crinone for a fraction of what I just paid for 16 days. It just has to be labeled in the account usage as "pregnancy support." That is a huge relief!