But for real - it happened.
That was how epically bad my first day back from maternity leave was.
The whole entire morning was so messed up from the moment I got up. Shockingly Bunny wasn't the issue. she ate, went back to sleep, I pumped, got ready, all perfectly normal. Then I noticed two stray dogs in the backyard about to set my dog off on a barking/growling spree. The dogs were cute little white fluffy types and so I went outside to see if I could corral them and to listen to see if their owner was calling for them.
Now mind you we live in a rural area and the houses on our street are lake homes for the most part so we aren't right on top of each other. I couldn't hear anyone looking for the dogs and by this point one ran off while the other became my buddy. I was able to look at his tag and see his rabies tag and notice that they go to the same vet we do so I made the decision I would just drop the dog off at the vet on my way to work so they could contact the owners (no owner id tag). As I was pulling out, a truck came slowly down the street and when it approached I saw the owner was calling for the dog. Woo hoo! Issue number 1 of the morning done.
Five minutes later I was trying to leave my neighborhood and the one way out was blocked due to a horrible three car crash. Again, I live outside city limits and there was terrible fog that morning. I called my mom as I waited for the road to clear for me to get through and told her to be careful if she ran out for coffee for her and my grandma as the fog had visibility down to almost nothing. I text K and told him about the crash and he told me that he had almost hit a deer that morning due to the fog. Issue number 2 done.
Then I drove my 30 miles to work and looked for a parking space in the lot adjacent to my building. No dice. I immediately missed my next to the door expectant mother parking space. I waited for traffic to clear (or so I thought) and went to cross the road into our overflow lot....and t-boned a car. I didn't see her. Like, at all. I have no idea what happened. I know I was looking both ways because my boss was one of the cars I was waiting for to clear - and he saw the whole thing happen. My only (logical) explanations are; I had on my new glasses that I have been complaining don't seem right (I had been complaining for a couple weeks and had already sent them back to the eye doctor once by that point), it was still foggy and the car was silver, and my head was obviously not in the right state as I had just left my baby for the first time to go to work.
Sigh. Only me, right? I felt (and still feel) like a giant toolbag for doing that. I know accidents happen but still.
The rest of the day was a fog, like the weather. A good friend/co-worker took me to lunch that day to help cheer me up and I even indulged in a giant slice of greasy gooey pizza. Oh how I miss pizza. I love you bunny but damn, I miss my favorite foods. ;)
So that was day one back to work. I'll fill you in on the next phase shortly...